Streaker Carnage Causes Nose Break

Streaker Carnage Causes Nose Break

Silent or silenced?

Sources are keeping quiet in the wake of an ongoing legal proceeding involving an alleged broken nose at the hands of a streaker during the Highlanders vs Crusaders game on May 11th. Cracker of a Zoo turn-out, by the way. 

At the game in question, 11 streakers took to the field, two of whom did a nude run. The swarm of streakers meant a period of lengthened stoppage while security attempted to escort off (and clothe) the pitch invaders. 

Lisa, a Zoo-attendee who witnessed the event, told Critic, “So I look up, I’m sitting on the stands out at the front [of the Zoo], I see this man with no clothes on, running across the field. Then the guy gets tackled, and then suddenly another one’s going, then suddenly six people are running across the field.” 

One of the streakers had been sitting in front of her dressed in a Fireball costume, “And we were just chatting away with him, we then turn around and the guy in front of us is gone, we look out and he is running, and when we’re leaving the cops were talking to him.”

Following the game, it was alleged to Critic Te Ārohi that one streaker broke the nose of a security guard, who threatened to sue the offender. Critic struggled to substantiate these claims. The Highlanders, who were the chief party involved with the incident, refused to comment on the incident. 

Platform 4 Group, the contracted security for the event, did not respond to our inquiries in time for print. Responding to questions of the incident, Forsyth Barr Stadium told Critic Te Ārohi, “Any pitch invaders apprehended were issued with a trespass notice and any matters associated with the invasion, such as indecent exposure or injury, were dealt with by police.” 

Speaking only to the details of the arrests made, a police spokesperson told Critic Te Ārohi, “Police were asked to assist security following incidents of streaking at the game on 11 May. Two 20-year-old men were trespassed from the stadium and have subsequently been issued formal warnings. Two other men – a 19-year-old and a 28-year-old were arrested and charged with invading the pitch. They have subsequently been issued written warnings.” 

One of the streakers known to Critic said, “Some fella offered me a grand for it, but since I didn’t make it on I copped a trespass with no money.” He added that he knew the streaker who allegedly broke the security guard’s nose, saying “he knows them that ran on, but he got to the try line and didn’t quite make it aha.” Rough.

Regarding the nose-breaking, an ex-P4G security guard and student commented to Critic, “Oh wow that is very interesting. I mean I feel like there’s an aspect of being in the job you’ve got to expect some sort of damage. Also I think the company they work for should take charge and take care of their workers.”

Police told Critic of the matter: “Police were also advised by security of a possible assault on a security guard as three men were being evicted. Police were subsequently advised by security that they didn’t wish to proceed with a formal complaint of assault. The matter has therefore been filed."

This article first appeared in Issue 13, 2024.
Posted 8:20pm Sunday 26th May 2024 by Gryffin Powell.