Unzipping the Myths | Issue 19

Unzipping the Myths | Issue 19


Once upon a time, there was a beautiful princess. A prince won her heart, and they lived happily ever after. For a while, anyway. But it wasn’t long, however, before the prince started pestering the princess for anal. “Everyone is doing it,” he swore. “It feels so much better,” he begged. “I’ll go slow,” he promised. Eventually, the princess gave in. (The prince and princess later broke up in a fiery ball of flames for unrelated reasons, if anyone was wondering. Said princess is now single. Hit me up.)

So, if you and your beau are ready to take the step in a relationship that’s slightly more intimate than showing your ankle (the scandal!) and engage in anal sex, here’s what you need to know.

If you/your partner wants to put something foreign in an anus, you need lube. If you remember one thing from this column, remember lube. 

If fingers are going in anuses, buy some disposable latex gloves. If mouths are going near anuses, get some dental dams, or make one. (Do this by chopping off the end of a condom and then making a split right down the middle: voila, a square of latex, aka, a dental dam!) If penises are going in anuses, wear a condom. The risk of tearing and subsequent STD transmission is high. I know, none of this seems sexy or hot in the moment, but do you know what else isn’t sexy or hot? STDs. Tearing. Poop on fingers. Seriously. Wear the damn gloves. 

Not gonna lie, it hurts like a motherfucker if you don’t take it slow — so prepare, and use roughly a gallon of lube. Use fingers or toys beforehand to loosen everything up. People with penises have their prostate gland located inside the anus and can feel huge pleasure when receiving anal sex (if done right), but people with vaginas do not. While some people do say that regardless of the lack of prostate they genuinely enjoy and derive pleasure from anal sex, most people I know tend to say it’s just “meh”. 

So be careful, prepare, demand foreplay (orgasming before penetration is a great way to relax muscles and make everything hurt a little less) and take your time. Most of all, have fun!

This article first appeared in Issue 19, 2015.
Posted 2:15pm Sunday 9th August 2015 by T. Antric.