A few weeks ago I had an epiphany about attractiveness - it was when you put up your hand up in our lecture. At that moment I had the seemingly life changing realisation that 1. you exist and 2. you are attractive. But this attractiveness isn’t all about the symmetry of your face, the effortless way your dark hair sits, your sophisticated amount of facial hair or the melt-worthy sound of your voice (you’d be getting full marks regardless), it’s about the obvious brains you have held up in that beautiful head!
It was also at this same moment, I decided to make the $84.50, I’d spent on a new version of the course book, worth it. I would make a greater attempt to read that brick of a book, in order to, catch your attention with my equally infallible knowledge and, in turn, win your heart. Whether my flawless plan works or if the tell tale bags under my eyes are a turnoff, we are yet to find out. Nevertheless, you should definitely claim a commission on my fees from the University because you are providing a great incentive to both be here and work hard.
I don’t want no dumb hottie. I want you. You surpass my media influenced, cultural beliefs of who my dream man is. You don’t need to be holding a sensually titled Dolce & Gabbana fragrance to be my one. You are the one my friends warned me I’d fall for; the suitably complacent, philosophical thinker, unfazed by outwitting the lecturer. Where did you acquire this knowledge? Why do you just wistfully stare off in the distance like that? You’re deep.
The thing is, I’m mysterious too, or at least I get the feeling I am. I won’t say I try, but I unintentionally (as I’ve been told) come across as an ice queen or the unattainable vacant girl. In saying this, I can’t deny it is my secret dream to be serenaded by Peter Andre with his ‘96 #1 hit (only in NZ on the year of my birth) ‘Mysterious Girl’ ... so maybe it is just a facade I put up, but still the question arises -how can two mysterious people ever be together? What if we’re a match made in Ice land? Please, let’s not make this a frozen tragedy! Let’s melt our cold shoulders, so that we may swim in the deep end of philosophical musings together!