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Each week Critic wants to hear from you if you’re struggling to approach the man or woman of your dreams. Does she always sit on that front row seat and give the lecturer far more attention than you’re comfortable with? Does he stroll past your window each morning and your only attempts at getting his attention have been taking a little longer to put clothes on?
Flick your stories to crush@critic.co.nz

Oh sweet Arae, how I would roll you in the hay.
You are so petite, smelling oh so very sweet.
I take books out of the library, just so you will spy on me.
Do you like my new cologne? Oh your face when I’m alone.
See you at wine and cheese, my chat will be a breeze.
Show me what’s the law and I’ll show you to my floor.
Beautiful fox, I’d like to find your box.

I know this may be risky, but you and I get frisky?
Now I won’t be crude, I just want to make you food.
And romance I can do, so you I will accrue.
i need an alibi, because I can be a little shy.
You are simply so hot, my heart beats a lot.

You are the inspiration for all my masturbation
For you I would sing and dance, if I only had a chance.
I would take you to the beach, if you weren’t so out of reach.
Our consummation will rock this very nation.
Please say yes to me, you and I are meant to be.

This is for the most beautiful girl I have ever seen. She looks like Taylor and she dresses even better. I never thought I would meet the love of my life in a lecture. I wonder where she lives? She dresses so well, I thought she was from Auckland. However, it can’t be as she is so sweet and nice. Be my starlight. Put me in a state of grace with your sweet face.