World Watch | Issue 6

World Watch | Issue 6

Hola! Whassup folks! What a week we had! A siege in France, can you imagine?! A young disillusioned French of Algerian descent, who killed three Jewish kids, a rabbi and three Muslim French paramilitary troops was finally cornered in downtown Toulouse … and bang! The drama starts! Did he surrender? Did France surrender? Was the German police needed, so that the Frenchmen can surrender? After one-and-a-half days of nerve-wrecking comedy, he finally died, NOT by French bullets, no my friend! He fell to his death, in excitement, while charging and firing on French police. Things can’t possibly get more bizarre – but anyway, here are some better stories!
  1. Remember last World Watch we talked about Stop Kony campaign? The director of the widely acclaimed and controversial video apparently had a “meltdown”. That’s what they call going epic insane on LSD, and running, gyrating naked, and masturbating on the road. Typical of hippies. Or maybe he is under a severe attack of Voodoo. We wish him speedy recovery though … and a name suggestion for his next project. Stop Horny.
  2. In other news, which carries on the legacy, a few Indian right wing ministers were found watching porn. Yeah, again. In a state assembly, from the same morally conservative right-wing party. Critic Editor Joe Stockman was mighty impressed by the consistency and suggested that he should make this news of Indian right-wing ministers watching porn a recurring feature in every World Watch – a suggestion I am really considering, as that will make my search a bit easy.
  3. North Korea, arguably the most bizarre country in this bizarre planet, had its 415th triplet birth this week. The national media (i.e., the only media) of the already impoverished country claimed that this was due to the milk and honey treatment, which helps in triplet births, which are considered something wonderful. The mum, Kim Ok, is quite OK now and dad King Kong is quite happy as they will receive lots of gifts from Dear Leader Kim III.
  4. This would have been funny had it not been so horribly sad. Mariya Dmitriyenko of Kazakhstan won the shooting championship in Kuwait, and found to her shock and horror, the soundtrack of Borat being played in place of her national anthem. The lyrics included sentences like Kazakh prostitutes cleanest in the region and come grasp the mighty penis of our leader. Apparently the hilariously inept Kuwaiti organizers got the soundtrack from Youtube, when they were searching for the national anthems.

Sumantra Maitra
This article first appeared in Issue 6, 2012.
Posted 7:07pm Sunday 1st April 2012 by Sumantra Maitra.