World Watch | Issue 4

World Watch | Issue 4

Bonjour! Comment ça va? How are we today? Apparently the world is still round, with no odd nuke meltdown or tsunami warning anywhere. US/Israel/Iran mega-borefest is just where it was a couple of weeks back, so is the North-South Korean drama, and the Indo-Sino-Pak threesome. Putin “managed” to win too, as expected. But who cares about those anyway? I, here in Critic, endeavour to bring you as per my finest tradition, news that is utterly unnecessary, with absolutely no impact on your life whatsoever. So here it is!
  1. There is a funny thing in this world going round, which you probably have noticed in Facebook, the greatest place of revolution talk since Tiananmen Square. It is a video called Kony 2012. No, it is not a new US Republican candidate, though his group was once supported by Rush Limbaugh. Apparently this criminally insane human absurdity started a gang called Lord’s Resistance Army which spreads universal love by cutting and chopping, pretty much giving competition to Middle East dictators. That’s about it. Oh, the video calls the world to stop that. Mighty noble indeed. The world’s evidently a much better place after the video went viral.
  2. Nick Sarkozy, French pocket rocket, foot-in-mouther extraordinaire, more famous in this world for marrying a hot ex-supermodel, is here to give all you first-year politics students a lesson in election campaign talk. When told by a woebegone farmer and his nagging wife who were whining about how they can’t afford a luxury of a 35 hour work week, Monsieur Nick, in his classic cocky tone said, nor could he. Oooh burn!
  3. Remember that blasted old git who made your life hell when you were eyeing up that lissome lass at the bus stop? 10-to-one he was doing for sheer pleasure. A new study, by University of Warwick, shows that happiness in old people steadily increases post-45. That funny face your 90-year-old next-door grampa crankypants pulled when he died? Total joy.
  4. If there is one cause every red-blooded male should support, it’s feminists fighting for the right to their own body and sexual freedom against the grasp of religion. A group of topless Iranian women came out with a top-heavy video message about saying no to religious dictation. No one understands the Persian but everyone is apparently watching as the video went viral. Really, who doesn’t like women on top?!

– Sumantra Maitra
This article first appeared in Issue 4, 2012.
Posted 4:27pm Sunday 18th March 2012 by Sumantra Maitra.