“It is a truth universally acknowledged, that an English lecturer in possession of a good student must be in want of a naughty schoolgirl encounter …”
The old adage of not judging a book by its cover went out the window the first time I met the good Dr. Rogers.
As our eyes locked across the room I knew that I wanted to be your Elizabeth and you, my Mr. Darcy. As I absorbed the nuances of your tender American accent, and studied the way your nose hairs glistened in the Castle C lights, all I could do was mentally calculate the ways in which I might convince you that I needed your private tuition, in the hope that you might grade my work on a more intimate basis. Perhaps my starry-eyed gazes were overwhelming, or perhaps you were too shy to read between the lines. Your lectures were delivered with passion and zeal. Nothing less could be expected from a man as smart as a whip (a whip would not be out of the question).
When I visited your office, the fervent tension was almost too much to bear. I confess that, if you had asked, I would have let you read me like an open book, right there on that antique chair of yours. A quick removal of my dust cover and this hardback could have been yours in a heartbeat. Never have I craved extra-curricular activity as much as I did sitting through your lectures. Each hour went by like a minute, as I fidgeted and squirmed, wondering if your ah “balls” were as elegant as the ones that Mr. Bingley threw at Netherfield.
I only hope that this piece of work does not undermine your acknowledgment of my deep respect for the beautifully literary work of art that you are. My only hope is that our relationship may go beyond English, and blossom into an education of a more extensive nature. In true Jane Austen style, it is only right that I explicitly declare myself, so as to avoid any confusion. In lieu of this, I demand only that “You must allow me to tell you how ardently I admire and love you.”
PS: I found a diagram of the “Comma-sutra” and I thought that in the interest of proper grammaticism, you and I might be able to explore it together …
– Teacher’s Pet
(email your lilf love letter to critic@critic.co.nz)
LILF | Issue 3
