Libra:
Your love life has been on life support in 2026. It’s time to start thinking about dipping your toes back in the water, before your flatmates start feeling bad for you. Ask someone on a date – the stars promise that it’s time.
Hangxiety-inducing moment in town: Dropping your pie on the ground
Capricorn:
You’re more set for exams than you realise. Take this as your sign to relax and save the stress for a couple weeks time. You’re doing a lot better than your peers at this point in the semester, and you should be proud of that!
Hangxiety-inducing moment in town: Forgetting your ID
Taurus:
The stars are seeing how hard you’re locked in right now, and are doing everything in their power to secure you a grad role or internship. The cosmic forces liked how polished your LinkedIn profile was and how many connections you have.
Hangxiety-inducing moment in town: Falling off the step at Subs
Gemini:
Steve Lacy was right when he said “you can’t surprise a Gemini”. The amount of canon events one person can experience in a single semester is incredible – poor Gemini. Take it on the chin and know it was all just character building.
Hangxiety-inducing moment in town: Falling down the stairs at Caro
Cancer:
It’s time to start thinking about reducing the size of your wardrobe. I know you don’t wear half of those clothes, and your bank account could always benefit from a few sales on Depop and Facebook Marketplace.
Hangxiety-inducing moment in town: Accidentally breaking a glass
Scorpio:
Take the time today to ground yourself in nature. It’s been a minute since you slowed down and appreciated Papatūānuku. Touch some grass and feel the breeze – those TikTok granola girlies might’ve been onto something.
Hangxiety-inducing moment in town: Waving at your ex
Sagittarius:
Spending the whole day watching TV in bed is calling your name, and honestly, you deserve self-care. Shut those curtains, put your phone on silent and enjoy the bed rot. Light a candle – nothing is depressing if you romanticise it enough.
Hangxiety-inducing moment in town: Public make out on the dance floor
Aquarius:
You’re feeling a lot like the bring me caramel slice kid this week, and that’s okay. Tuck yourself in bed, take care of yourself, and ask your flatmate to bring caramel slice.
Hangxiety-inducing moment in town: Trying to chat up the DJ
Virgo:
Not everything is embarrassing, alright? Though living the student life may feel like a humiliation ritual, it shouldn’t be like that for you. Take some agency over your life, and appreciate your good qualities as you strut your way to campus.
Hangxiety-inducing moment in town: Bank account-ending Trojan feed
Pisces:
An artist you love is going to announce a show soon – take this as your sign to buy tickets. The trip with friends, blaring music and memories will far outweigh the negative consequences on the bank account. Good luck in the ticket war!
Hangxiety-inducing moment in town: Throwing up in the Octagon
Aries:
You’re gonna run into an op someone where you don’t want to be seen, let’s make peace with that now. You have the right to exist in this wonderful city in your grungiest fits, and if the ops hate, that just means you’re winning.
Hangxiety-inducing moment in town: The bouncer finding the drink you smuggled
Leo:
For some reason, the stars are warning you not to go to Electric Ave. If you didn’t get tickets, think of all the money you saved. If you did, it’s time to think about what you could do with that money if you sold them instead…
Hangxiety-inducing moment in town: Dabbing on the dance floor
