From the clickbait title, I would like to preface that I am a woman and not a whistle.
There was a guy I was seeing and he was a bit of a freak, unfortunately not in a good way. Like he was just straight up weird. However, I succumbed to the idea of us having D1 basketball babies as he was 6'5 – really the personification of tall, dark and handsome.
Unfortunately, he lived in the scrunge of Castle St. At this stage I was too icked by the state of the flat to have sex with him, I wasn't ready to tackle some crusty navy sheets and skiddy undies flung all over the place, no matter how much he looked like Temu Jacob Elordi. Also, having rats for flat pets isn't exactly a panty dropper (men – take notes). So, I invited him over to mine to finally get down to business – a lil ‘try before you buy’ if you will. He came over, and I knew as a 6'5, gangly man, he would be packing a python. Let's just say I wasn't wrong. We were starting to make money moves, pulses were being raised and vibes were all on. He picked me up, and in a breathy voice I said, "Can we do doggy?"
As a good man does, he placed me on the bed, turned me around and spread my legs. To add the the vibes because he was a fucking giant he was stood next to the bed looming over me. I was ready to be taken to destination: pound town. Then he started to go down on me from behind(hot), but then he blew hot air straight into my asshole. I have never puckered up so tight, and been taken off guard like that. WTAF – I turned around and hit him with a “Did you just blow in my asshole?” He laughed and said “Yeah haha, I thought it would be funny.” I told him to go home, and never to contact me again.
Moral of the story – stay away from Castle men. They are… Odd. A few years later, I can say thanks for the funny story, letting me drive your BMW, and good luck with your failing Tiktok career.
