As a fading fifth year and seasoned older sister, I’ve decided to write some advice to my first year self. However, I think this advice is applicable to anyone in their initial years of uni.
I think I had a pretty standard Dunedin student experience. I’ve done the parties, done the friendship breakups, received both good and bad grades. I’ve done halls, then flatting – first with five, then with three, then with two.
Those changes inspired a lot of self-doubt. I feel that especially with social media, there might be an expectation that life is consistent, picturesque or “easy” – that uni is going to be the “best time of your life”. You might feel an expectation to have a massive friend group, flatmates that you stay with every year, or a great relationship with your parents that means you love going home for break. Not having that, feeling down or not “thriving” like your peers appear to be might feel like a failure, and it can send you into a spiral. But honestly, that consistency isn’t realistic for a lot of young people. You’re expected to grow, and that can be hard.
With the transience of uni life, the advice I would give would be to recognise yourself as the only real constant in your life. Every year, I felt that I was restarting once more – new friends, new flat, sometimes even a new degree. I sometimes felt empowered by that, or very lost. I know others feel the same. But either way, you remain in your life, despite the change. After everything, you have yourself.
Maybe the feeling of being with yourself stirs up some feelings. Maybe you feel that you do not like or trust yourself, or feel like a failure. But I would encourage you to sit with that feeling, and treat yourself with empathy during your time at university. Think of somebody that you love: your mother, boyfriend, partner, grandfather, cousin, or best friend. If they were occasionally unreliable, went through a messy breakup, had bad days or made mistakes, would you love them any less? Or would you love them despite it all, trusting that we all try our best, especially when things are changing?
Trusting that you are truly doing your best opens something new. If you know you have tried your best, you cannot fail. This holds true even during a time of immense change and growth, like university. If I could talk to who I was in my early years of university, I would tell her to be more trusting and honest with herself, and be confident with the choices she made based on that trust and honesty. The love that you should have for yourself means that you’ll stand by the shots you call. And when that is appreciated, the self-doubt begins to slip away. You’ll be a better friend to yourself and others for it.
Keep showing up for yourself – not that you really have the choice. But if you would value a loved one that is with you through your best and worst days, then maybe you should value the connection you have with yourself just a little bit more. That friend is within you.
