Pisces
It's time to go for another round of groceries, because that fuzzy mush in the back of your fridge will not sustain you. Break open your piggy bank and have a cry in New World when you see how much eggs cost this week.
If you were a drug you'd be: Ritalin
Capricorn
Your flatmates will forget to do the dishes for the fifth day in a row this week, and probably leave used condoms in the bathroom sink. Just keep breathing, and remember that in ten years time you won’t even remember this happened. So take a deep breath in, reset and keep on keeping on.
If you were a drug you'd be: Benzos
Virgo
It's time for your biannual get together with course planners and careers advisors. The start of the semester always throws you off, and right now you're still not 100% sure that the degree you're studying is right for you. Maybe the lovely people at AskOtago will know.
If you were a drug you'd be: Heated Rivalry
Leo
You're cracking around the edges and it's starting to show. People are beginning to realise that you're flitting around from one relationship to another. It may just be time to take a break from the friendcest, and focus on yourself. You don't need anyone to make yourself whole!
If you were a drug you'd be: Morphine
Taurus
Your lungs need a break from watermelon ice. When you follow Kate Bush's advice and try to run up that hill, you will quickly realise that it's hard to run when you're also fighting for your life. Get to the gym and hit the stair climber.
If you were a drug you'd be: Nicotine
Aries
During these first few weeks at uni it's imperative to make friends so that you're not sitting alone in all your lectures. Take this as your sign from the Universe to put yourself out there and try to meet new people. You never know the joy they might bring into your life.
If you were a drug you'd be: Salvia
Scorpio
Your bank account has been on its last leg from Ubering around town, but this week you will come across an expensive item that just steals your breath away. Use that $1000 worth of course related costs and treat yourself to a start of sem present! That is if you didn't spend it all on drinks during Ori.
If you were a drug you'd be: Heroin
Aquarius
If there’s a word to describe your week, it’s ‘scandal’! You're going to put Kim's home video to shame on Thursday night. Just make sure to politely ask their age before the date because a 50 year age gap might not be your cup of tea, but power to you if you're into it.
If you were a drug you'd be: Molly
Cancer
Some juicy gossip is coming your way this week. Although you will be burning up to tell the world, maybe keep the lid on it. If word gets back to your source that you squeaked you are FUCKED.
If you were a drug you'd be: Cocaine
Saggitarius
You have had a whirl wind of a week, and it's only Monday. Make sure you don't over extend and burn out at the start of the year trying too hard to get A’s. Make sure to prioritize your own sanity, because at the end of the day C’s do get degrees, just maybe not the best job lol.
If you were a drug you'd be: Sertraline
Libra
This week you will hear the call of nature, and not in the bathroom way. When you sit through your fourth consecutive hour of lecturers that confuse the shit out of you, you'll realize that all your worries could disappear with a five hour hike up a mountain.
If you were a drug you'd be: Magic mushrooms
Gemini
Watch out, ‘cause fists may come flying your way. As you lose your filter by downing your third shot of the night, make sure that you keep some things bottled in. If not, you may just end up kicked out with a lifetime ban from your favourite club.
If you were a drug you'd be: The drug that is life
