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Last year, I made out with a guy in town I’d never met before. I thought it was a random, throwaway moment – until he tried to follow me home. Romantic? Creepy? The jury’s still out. Turns out he was in my cohort. Not only that, he was in all my labs.
One day we were partnered for a presentation together for class. After the presentation, he unadded me on everything. I probably turned him off with how slow and fried I am.
Later, I tried re-adding him (yes, I was drunk – yes, I own that). He responded by blocking me! This year, post-block, I went home with him. Twice. Same guy. Still blocked. Still sitting across from me in tutorials like we didn’t skip small talk and go straight to blackout intimacy. The kicker? He initiated it both times.
The first time we hooked up, I had an existential sulk before I got cracked, because he casually told me he had more bodies than me. (What did I expect? Celibate king?)
Second time? Even more jail. It was after a night out – in the same club we first met – full circle vibes. We went back to mine and, while he was literally inside me, I decided that was the ideal time to confront him about making out with another girl earlier that night. Spoiler: no orgasm was had. From me, anyway.
He did stay the night this time. Progress? You’d think. Until the next morning, when we were spooning and he reached for my hand. Instead of a sweet gesture, he guided it down his pants and made me wank him before I even got a “good morning”. Just off vibes and unsolicited morning hand jobs.
Oh, and did I mention he still has me blocked on everything? This man has been in my bed (twice), in my lab group (weekly), and in my head (rent-free), but apparently unblocking me on Instagram is a bridge too far.
The audacity. The commitment to ghosting. The Olympic-level emotional detachment.
On top of that I still have to see him everyday for class.
All that’s left now is to send him a drunk Outlook email.