Booze Review | Steinlager Pure makes an embarrassment of Steinlager Classic

Booze Review | Steinlager Pure makes an embarrassment of Steinlager Classic

Steinlager Pure is like the younger sibling that outshines their elder in every way. Despite the marketing for both drinks being so similar that even experienced piss fiends would confuse them, the Pure version of Steinlager is infinitely better than its Classic cousin. But the quality of Pure also begs the question: since Steinlager have made a beer so superior to their original line, why do they continue to release Classic?

It seems that much like a parent encouraging their kid even though they know they aren’t going to win a gold medal, Steinlager continues to make Steinlager Classic out of sympathy. While a noble endeavour, there is no denying that in all respects, Steinlager Pure is superior.

The taste of Pure is exceptional. It is simple, clean, crisp and inviting. Each sip is like a pat on the back from an approving father figure. In disappointing contrast, the taste of Classic is filthy and vaguely sewerish, with each sip going down like unwanted attention from a creepy family friend.

Steinlager Pure refreshes the soul as if it were brewed in a crisp, secluded mountain spring untouched by human pollution. In comparison, Steinlager Classic has the refreshingness of a beverage made from dirty melted snow and used plasters.

Just like everything packaging-wise, the price of Steinlager Pure is identical to Classic. They usually come in at 22 dollars a box which results in an exceptionally average 1.4 dollars per standard. The green packaging of Classics is an obvious Heineken rip-off, while the chic white of the Steinlager Pure is instantly more aesthetically pleasing.

If Steinlager Classic were the only beer that Steinlager brewed then maybe it would not seem that awful. But they have produced Pure – better in every way. It is not as if they produced an alternative style of drink, merely developed the same drink, but better. Steinlager Pure puts Steinlager Classic, and most other green-bottle beers, to shame.

Tasting notes: grainy, crispiness.
Froth level: a bubbling mountain stream.
Tastes like: Steinlager Classic but so much better.
Overall rating: 8/10

This article first appeared in Issue 21, 2022.
Posted 8:33pm Saturday 3rd September 2022 by Chug Norris.