We used an AI to generate these, but ran out of our free trial halfway through. You can see where we switched to a shittier free one.

 

Aquarius

Jan 20 - Feb 18

Once you've put yourself in the right frame of mind, you'll be ready to start flirting up a storm. Whether you're looking for love or just some casual fun, you'll have no trouble getting attention. Just make sure you don't come on too strong – you don't want to scare anyone away!

Website that will steal your data this week: Twitter

 

Pisces

Feb 19 - Mar 20

You need to drink less. I'm not your mom, but drink a little less. Ok?

Website that will steal your data this week: Etsy

 

Aries

Mar 21 - Apr 19

If you’re reading this, chances are you have been told that you need to relax a little bit more. is possible. Well, it's actually really simple. All you need to do is stop being so annoying.

Website that will steal your data this week: Dropbox.

 

Taurus

Apr 20 - May 20

You will save money in the long run by checking your car's battery regularly. This is because a car with a dead battery can cost more money than one with a good battery. And, if your car doesn't start, then you need to tow it or pay someone else to do so.

Website that will steal your data this week: Facebook.

 

Gemini

May 21 - Jun 20

Gemini is a sign that’s known for being talkative and social. One of the most common problems Gemini people have is loneliness. They crave the company of others and need to be around people all the time. The best way to deal with homesickness is to call your parents and tell them you miss them.

Website that will steal your data this week: IMDB.

 

Cancer

Jun 21 - July 22

The Cancer horoscope is about why you deserve to be the centre of attention. The horoscope can help you understand your personality and what you should do in order to be the centre of attention. For people born under this sign, it is important to know that they are not needy. They are just looking for a little attention, which is natural for anyone with Cancer as their zodiac sign.

Website that will steal your data this week: Expedia.

 

Leo

July - Aug 22

Leos are known for being so loud that they can be heard from miles away. This is because they have a need to be heard and seen by everyone around them, even if it means shouting over those who are talking in order to get their point across. They're the type of people who will always speak their mind, even if it's not wanted. It's all about them. 

Website that will steal your data this week: LinkedIn.

 

Virgo

Aug 23 - Sep 22

Virgos are very clean and they like their kitchens to be clean too. They will be really unhappy if they see a dirty sink. Virgos should clean up their kitchens right away before it gets worse.

Website that will steal your data this week: Strava.

 

Libra

Sep 23 - Oct 22

You have a dirty front yard, broken glass, bad weather, nagging wife, moping kids, your daughter, a mother, and a father. You could have a lot more of this.

Website that will steal your data this week: Zillow.

 

Scorpio

Oct 23 - Nov 21

If your eyes are red and your hands are shaking or you're feeling nauseated or dizzy, go ahead and get it checked out.

Website that will steal your data this week: Amazon.

 

Sagittarius

Nov 22 - Dec 21

You need a hug. You are strong. I'm not kidding you. But that's my advice. Good luck and I hope this helps. Hope you have a very nice day. : )

Website that will steal your data this week: Reddit.

 

Capricorn

Dec 22 - Jan 19

Stop vaping it's bad for your health. You will have an asthma attack, heart attack and stroke. My wife and daughter have asthma and my kids have heart attacks. They are just so sick you know. And my wife has had a stroke and is still having problems with it. 

Website that will steal your data this week: Google Docs.