Archive

Just Like the Movies

Posted 4:05pm Sunday 30th April 2023 by Critic

I made this high on brownies. True story tho, enjoy: It was the third date and we had just finished up at the movies. He suggested that we go somewhere. I gave a shy “okay” smiley nod and then followed him out onto the street. We walked for a while trying to find the perfect private Read more...

Chargrills: Thai Red Curry

Posted 4:03pm Sunday 30th April 2023 by Charly Burnett @chargrillss

I've just been to Thailand. It'd be rude not to do a Thai beef red curry. You will love this.  Thai Red Curry Ingredients Oil 700-800g beef rump steak, cut into small cubes Salt & pepper 1 brown onion, diced 1 tsp crushed garlic 1 tsp ginger (if you have Read more...

Editorial: Bats

Posted 3:50pm Sunday 30th April 2023 by Fox Meyer

Really didn't know what to write about this week, so here’s how I caused a minor rabies scare in rural Ohio. I started out attending uni at a shit school in the shittest state in the entirety of America: Ohio. I only went because they gave me money and I will never forgive them for it. Read more...

Why are you poor?

Posted 3:14pm Sunday 23rd April 2023 by Critic

Only losers are poor, and if you’re poor, it’s your fault. There are so many reasons why it’s your fault, so we’ve designed this quiz to help you really figure out the answer so you can get back on that #grind. What are you spending the most money on that you could do Read more...

Moaningful Confessions: Can’t Beetle this Juice

Posted 2:59pm Sunday 23rd April 2023 by Critic

I know there have been some less-positive confessions lately, so here’s something slightly more wholesome. Slightly. It’s around 2am and most of our flat’s in bed, save for two (let’s call them Nikki and Molly, not using real names). The door of the flat opens, and Nikki Read more...

Local Produce: Saurian

Posted 2:58pm Sunday 23rd April 2023 by Jamiema Lorimer

Saurian make music that matches their name: hard rock. Critic Te Ārohi managed to catch up with the band in the midst of their current tour. Saurian is Karl (guitar/vocals), Cameron (guitar), Logan (bass), and Hamish (drums). Saurian have been a band since 2015, starting with Karl and Hamish Read more...

Chargrills: potato bake

Posted 2:56pm Sunday 23rd April 2023 by Charly Burnett @chargrillss

This shit is simple and dope. Feeds 8, so there definitely will be leftovers. Pair with a bit of cheap rump steak and steamed broccoli or whatever else you feel like running. 1kg potatoes, peeled 150g cheese, grated 1.5 cups of cream and/or milk 2 cloves fresh garlic, Read more...

Editorial: why capitalism is actually great for the environment

Posted 2:42pm Sunday 23rd April 2023 by Fox Meyer

Thanks to Margret Thatcher (#girlboss) and a few other legends, we all get to live in the wonderful world of industrial capitalism. They also call it neoliberalism, which is like Neopets but for money. It’s very slay and cute. We get to use this thing called “the market” that Read more...

Booze Review: Soju

Posted 2:32pm Sunday 23rd April 2023 by Albert Einsteinlager

Soju sounds like a slur Walt Disney would use. It’s not, though. It’s booze. It seems that these days I have exhausted my excitement for alcohol. Bored of beer, sick of RTD’s, and left with broken spirit(s). The novelty is gone and I wonder what is the point of destroying my Read more...

Horoscopes: Week 8

Posted 2:16pm Sunday 23rd April 2023 by Critic

Aquarius Jan 20 - Feb 18 It’s time to celebrate yourself, Aquarians! Give yourself a sweet treat and a pat on the back for all your efforts. You deserve it. Political ideology to subscribe to: Anarchism.  Pisces Feb 19 - Mar 20 Pisces, it goes without saying you have Read more...