A Lesbian, Bisexual & Straight Woman Walk into a Bar

Posted 7:46pm Sunday 3rd August 2025 by Nina Brown

I change seating positions at least three times before Leah* and Beth* arrive for the interview. Settling into our armchairs, the three of us epitomise our stereotypes. The straight woman who has rarely cum with a man is dressed in jeans and a white t-shirt, long hair in a bun. The masc lesbian who Read more...

Moaningful Confession: Play It Cool

Posted 6:06pm Saturday 26th July 2025 by Critic

Have something juicy to tell us? Send your salacious stories to moaningful@critic.co.nz. Submissions remain anonymous. Two weeks ago, I met the hottest guy I’ve ever seen. Our chance encounter outside the Clubs & Societies building led to two weeks of flirting more skillful than Read more...

Moaningful Confessions: Acquaintance with Disadvantages

Posted 5:08pm Saturday 19th July 2025 by Critic

Have something juicy to tell us? Send your salacious stories to moaningful@critic.co.nz. Submissions remain anonymous. When I was 19, I started sleeping with a 29-year-old man who thought he was incredibly charming in a sort of post-ironic, tortured-intellectual kind of way. I mostly just Read more...

The Official Critic Te Ārohi Sex Playlist

Posted 2:21pm Sunday 4th August 2024 by Critic

CRITIC’S BEST SONGS TO HAVE SEX TO: Confidence – Ocean Alley Careless Whisper – George Michael Hungry Eyes – Eric Carmen Just The Two of Us (feat. Bill Withers) – Grover Washington, Jr.  Fly Me To the Moon – Frank Sinatra Kiss Me – Read more...

Moaningful Confessions: Halloween Rendezvous

Posted 6:43pm Sunday 5th May 2024 by Critic

It was Halloween. I got all dressed and ready into my costume, and boy did I feel sexy. Pairing that with many drinks later at a Halloween party, I thought I was hot shit. You know when you are feeling yourself so much that you just want someone else's hands all over you? Just me? Okay fine. Read more...

Moaningful Confessions: The Rubber Raxxer

Posted 9:19pm Friday 26th April 2024 by Critic

I had been talking to Latin (easiest decoded code name ever) for maybe a month before my return to the glorious city of Auckland, but nothing had come of it – at least not yet. Upon landing, I promptly received a text from a high school friend inviting me to go with her to town. Lo and behold, Read more...

Moaningful Confessions: Bathroom Olympics

Posted 8:08pm Sunday 21st April 2024 by Critic

This is how I won a $3 plastic trophy for winning a sex competition. Last year a mate and I wanted to attend an event: party buses, bar crawl and silly dress up – ideal. It was a five hour drive away, but we figured that if we found men at the event to shack up with the accommodation was free Read more...

Moaningful Confessions: Catman

Posted 8:53pm Friday 5th April 2024 by Critic

We’re coming up on the anniversary of this story so I feel as though I have enough closure to share it. This was my first attempt at a Tinder hook up after a breakup, and I knew the guy from home so I thought it would be chill. No surprises, I was wrong.  Everything is set up, Read more...

Best of Moaningful Confessions

Posted 4:15pm Saturday 23rd March 2024 by Critic

It’s only appropriate that the sex issue pays homage to everyone’s favourite sexscapade column: Moaningful Confessions. The column was born in 2020 out of the ashes of the seedy and often marginal Blind Date column. We’ve ranked the sauciest, most salacious, tit-lickin’, Read more...

Trans Sex For Dummies

Posted 4:47pm Saturday 23rd March 2024 by Monty O’Rielly

Disclaimer: This article includes discussion and description of transgender bodies, with anatomical and occasionally gendered language. It mainly focuses on personal experiences of pre-op trans people on HRT, but a lot of this can be applied to trans people at other stages of their Read more...