Poetry Corner | Issue 13

Posted 1:54pm Sunday 28th May 2017

His wispy fingers fiddle with his penis flicking, scraping, brushing, bursting into imaginary mates with a phantom orgasm.  He clambers around his simple platform and ropes. His enclosure is the kindergarten of children looking in. Their breath pearls the glass.  I question the Read more...

ODT Watch | Issue 13

Posted 11:28am Sunday 28th May 2017

To start this week, the ODT has discovered someone with superhuman powers. Of course, personally I prefer CEOs who remain firmly in the past, or, better yet, just sit and stare into space with profundity, and maybe a little drool.   Next, some people have had a rather unfortunate Read more...

ODT Watch | Issue 12

Posted 11:46am Sunday 21st May 2017

To start this week, a waste of six words.   The many-limbed amorphous blob that is the ODT got wet on its shuffle to work this morning.   Tired of the inconveniences of Earth, a sentient tentacle slopped on a keyboard. The ODT just wants to go Read more...

Satire: The Truth is Out There

Posted 10:36am Sunday 21st May 2017

Over the past week construction has stopped on the stretch of the Leith River between Union St and the Leith St footbridge, around the same time as a mysterious blue tarpaulin appeared. They have clearly found something that has halted construction. One anonymous law student said that he “saw Read more...

ODT Watch | Issue 11

Posted 11:12am Sunday 14th May 2017

To start this week the ODT has evil tidings.  Expect military conscription to start any day now.   The ODT went to see a theatrical performance this week.  Thanks ODT, we value your input.   The ODT didn’t stop there. They started to think about Read more...

ODT Watch | Issue 10

Posted 2:57pm Sunday 7th May 2017

To start this week the ODT has a story about a time travelling child who was also inexplicably drafted into the armed services. Either that or the ODT just made a characteristically insensitive ‘veteran’ pun.   It says a lot about sheep breeding as a talent that the Read more...

ODT Watch | Issue 9

Posted 11:11am Sunday 30th April 2017

To start this week, the ODT have decided, once again, to hedge their bets. Poor agnostics   Next, the ODT presents their latest champion of justice  Wool has spent the last decade learning martial arts in a remote mountain cave   A throwback to the golden age Read more...

ODT Watch | Issue 8

Posted 11:15am Sunday 23rd April 2017

They march out of the dramatic mist, the team that will save us. Dripping with heroism, they strike a pose, ready to confront the forces of evil.   Next, we head to the toxic swamp that is the column section. Yeah, that message about how shit it was that the Pope was giving out Read more...

ODT Watch | Issue 7

Posted 11:57am Sunday 9th April 2017

Perpetually stuck for content, the ODT has sunk to reporting on people just continuing to exist   Over the coming years they intend to gradually report on everyone else who also continues to exist. The initiative is predicted to go down well in Patearoa, where the majority of residents Read more...

ODT Watch | Issue 6

Posted 11:22am Sunday 2nd April 2017

This week the ODT’s sensationalist fear-mongering is running strong. We at ODT Watch are highly anticipating the chlorinated staplers, rubber bands, rulers and paper clips that “all supplies” surely includes. However, it could be that the ODT are just pre-empting the Read more...