Booze review: GIN

Posted 4:48pm Monday 24th July 2023

Gin is medicine; it’s true. I was prescribed it, along with heroin, by my 19th century doctor. He says, “It takes the edge off of Mondays.” I miss the days when you could be prescribed alcohol by a doctor. You know you’re a special case when your doctor says, “Jesus, Read more...

Booze review: RUM(S)

Posted 10:00pm Tuesday 18th July 2023

Rum is the blindfold that humanity gladly adorns when things get messy.  A tipple of rum to the war-torn soldier leavens the load of indefinite suffering, and the base aromat of orange and vanilla is as familiar to fruit the sailor will get. The legacy of rum is often a swansong to the Read more...

Booze Review: Your Uncle's Homebrew

Posted 1:03pm Sunday 9th July 2023

New Zealand’s unhealthy relationship with alcohol is built on the solid foundations of your uncle’s homebrew.    Whether the uncle in question is yours or a mate’s, the product is the same. You’ve likely had a shot of their 80% alc/vol moonshine which was Read more...

Booze Review: Fizzliss Old Fashioned Lemonade + Vodka

Posted 5:18pm Monday 29th May 2023

Built into the human genome is a predisposition toward enjoying bubbles. All things bubbly. Bubbles in my bath, bubbles that meander through the air, Bubbles shooting up heroin in the streets of West Baltimore. A momentary existence punctuated with a satisfying *pop*; there is no situation that does Read more...

Booze Review: Purple Death

Posted 4:03pm Sunday 21st May 2023

All the appeal of cough syrup, without the fun effects. Purple Death is like a Fast & Furious marathon: you’re excited to revel in something objectively terrible with your friends, and it is fun initially, but after three hours of staring at Vin Diesel's fat head you begin to wonder Read more...

Booze Review: Rochdale Classic Apple Cider

Posted 3:07pm Monday 15th May 2023

Four ciders a day makes your doctor go, “Oh, fuck.”   Rochdale Classic Apple Cider is an economical drop for breathers that want to piss off their beer-loving friends. Why is it that every time cider is brought up in a public conversation, some tradie in a mucked-out ute Read more...

Booze Review: Ginger Bear

Posted 1:37pm Sunday 7th May 2023

With a name like Ginger Bear, it would be too easy to make a joke about being fucked in my ass by a 300+ pound, ginger-haired, Todd-from-Breaking-Bad-looking guy. So I won’t. Crimson Badger Brewing’s Ginger Bear is the perfect reintroduction to a medium of drinks that have otherwise Read more...

Booze Review: Riot Punch

Posted 3:29pm Monday 1st May 2023

Riot Punch is the perfect drink to serve during half-time at a 3rd XV highschool rugby game. Riot Punch is an evil alchemy, being both incredibly easy to execute and terrifyingly effective. Through many years of painstaking research, a perfect recipe was developed: cheap vodka paired with blue Read more...

Booze Review: Soju

Posted 2:32pm Sunday 23rd April 2023

Soju sounds like a slur Walt Disney would use. It’s not, though. It’s booze. It seems that these days I have exhausted my excitement for alcohol. Bored of beer, sick of RTD’s, and left with broken spirit(s). The novelty is gone and I wonder what is the point of destroying my Read more...

Booze Review: The Ned Pinot Gris

Posted 11:28am Sunday 16th April 2023

Most Dunedinites won’t drink a bottle of wine until they’re face-to-face with a butter chicken curry. After all, nothing pairs better with naan than a $7.50 bottle of Cleanskin Sauvignon Blanc - the curry equivalent of a Happy Meal, served alongside what is basically the piss of a French Read more...