Savoury Scroll “No Longer Worthy” Of Hilarious $4.20 Price Tag

Savoury Scroll “No Longer Worthy” Of Hilarious $4.20 Price Tag

Capitalism strikes again

An anonymous student has accused St. David’s Cafe of shrinking the size of their savoury scrolls. In an interview with Critic, they allege that the portions are “no longer worthy” of the hilarious $4.20 price tag, but that “the real betrayal is that they never even acknowledged it. No signs, or anything. Like, am I imagining it? Is this gaslighting?”

A University spokesperson confirmed this conspiracy. Allegedly, a “number of variables”, including “signifcant” increases to labour and ingredient costs, led to “adjustments to portion sizes of some items we produce”.

The anonymous victim responded to this statement with “fuck that” and “flour ain't gold”.

However, she did concede that basil pesto and feta were ‘boogie’ condiments.

The “crestfallen” former patron of the basil feta scrolls, fighting back tears, added that “hard times are upon students as it is. I can barely afford undies let alone paying that kind of money for a mere bite of scroll.”

“It used to be that one butter was not nearly enough. Now, one butter easily does the whole scroll,” she said. Another student, who overheard this part of the interview, interrupted to say that this “definitely crosses a line” and were now contemplating a boycott. A second concerned bystander chipped in to say they were already boycotting St Dave’s Cafe, but only because he claims there is never enough leftover sushi for the 4:30pm ‘everything 50% off’ sale, thus rendering a trip there pointless.

Chlöe Swarbrick, who had the misfortune of wandering into Critic while I was writing all of my news pieces, told Critic that she believes that “campaigning for change” is the only solution.

A University spokesman assured frequenters of the Cafe that their aim “is always to produce quality food at a reasonable price, and we will continue to do the best for our customers under the current market conditions”.

The real kicker is that Saint David is the patron saint of W(h)ales. “That just puts salt in the wound, really,” said one student who I just made up.

This article first appeared in Issue 15, 2019.
Posted 11:25pm Thursday 11th July 2019 by Sinead Gill.