News

Stoners Panic.

Not content with making blatantly untrue statements like “RWC 2011 is the third largest sporting event in the world”, the Dunedin City Council (DCC) have also decided that scarfies having access to their hovels during the Rugby World Cup is of little importance, and have consequently decided to close the roads without telling anyone about it.
Butts Rd (around Logan Park), Harbour Terrace, Forth St, Clyde St, Union St East, St. Davids St, Leith St South, Hyde St, Grange St, Ethel Benjamin Pl and Frederick St, as well as parts of Stuart St and Anzac Dr, will all be off limits for vehicles while games are on at the Forsyth Barr Stadium.
Cars will be able to get out of the areas, but entry will be restricted three hours prior to each game until two hours after the last whistle.
The idea behind this plan, formulated by the almighty powers that are the DCC, is to make access to the stadium safer for pedestrians and to reduce congestion. 
However the team at Critic have found major potential problems that could result from these closures.
One issue will be that helpless students who live in the quarantined zone will be unable to reach their houses. Due to the high demand for parking around the city the five or six students in Dunedin who own cars will be unlikely to find parks any closer to their flats than behind the Pak’n’Save in South Dunedin.
Another logistical issue was raised by Critic’s astute news team when scarfie reporter Lozz Holding realised that helpless scarfies would be unable to order delivery pizzas during the road closures.
In the quest to provide scarfies with a solution to this serious problem, Critic contacted Dominos North Dunedin to get information about their contingency plan to meet the matter at hand. Unfortunately the staff member was unaware of the road closures and was completely unprepared for the drilling of questions they received. 
Hell Pizza was the most promising establishment, explaining that they were aware of the closures and planned to meet customers at the nearest boundary of the closure.
Critic was unable to understand the Pizza Hut employee who tried to outline their plan to deliver pizzas in the cordoned off areas, and settled for simply ordering some pizza online instead. Critic staff were split on whether the pepperoni tasted like fish or not.