Unicol Fresher Wins Big from Online Gambling (Twice)

Unicol Fresher Wins Big from Online Gambling (Twice)

Cozzie livs? Not for him!

A Unicol fresher has won big money from online gambling. Known around campus as Elvis*, he won $27k in total; taking his gambling virginity in a weekend that can only be described as one for the books.

Elvis tells Critic that it all began the summer before Uni, when he was drinking with some mates who “jumped on the pokies.” Elvis (then “dead broke”) decided to chip in $10, popping his gambling cherry in the process. However, he accidentally pressed another ‘0’ and ended up betting $100. “I was losing heaps. And then I got down to like my last $5 and I won a grand,” Elvis recalled. By the time he woke up, his balance had reached a whopping $16k. 

After paying off his hall tuition, Elvis naturally celebrated “with the boys” in style; renting out a VIP room in a club with bottle service, before making his way down to Dunedin in a new car. 

Whether Elvis’ money made him popular during his first year at Uni is debatable, according to the breatha himself. “I wouldn’t say popularity, but people using me, I’d give you that one,” he laughed, gesturing to his posse of friends present for the interview. 

Fellow fresher Tash tells Critic that Elvis’ new mates at Unicol were shocked to learn about his stash of cash. “We were in the dining hall at breakfast joking about his good luck, so he started betting again. Three hours later he just sprinted in my room. He was screaming. [I said], ‘My God, what's wrong?’ He was like, ‘I just won 11 grand!’ I thought he was joking.”

Older sister and third-year student Ashley* told Critic how she reacted to her brother’s extraordinary luck: “The second time I was like ‘No way, this can't be real.’ I had to check his bank statements.” In typical sisterly fashion, Ashley refers to her younger brother as a “really cocky fresher [...] Mum and I were certain he’d be humbled at Uni. Now he’s won thousands of dollars and everyone loves him. [I was like] for fucks sake, you’re kidding.” 

Ashley recalls shopping at New World Gardens with Elvis, where a shop-assistant remarked about the difficulty of the cost of living. Elvis reportedly replied, “Not for me anymore!” with enthusiasm as he left with his food. 

But the supermarket’s not the only place Elvis has been spending big. He told Critic that he spent $7,500 on town and Uber-eats within the space of three weeks. “Subs was our big one. Classic ‘ole Miriama, the bartender there, we'd just go up to her and get like eight shots at a time. It was a mental few weeks.”

Elvis has tried to keep his spending limited to the squad (who have a special Snapchat story dedicated to tracking the number of rounds they buy), but as the nights go on, Elvis admits he sometimes can get carried away: “I was finding random videos [the next day] of me doing shots with a group of gang members that I'd never seen before.”

While Elvis’ lavish lifestyle has left him with only $4000 remaining in the bank, he’s not fussed, explaining his gift for gambling hasn’t stopped giving: “I had a good feeling the other night, so [my mates and I] went to the pokies with $16 in coins. I walked out with a hundred bucks.” Asked where his good luck stems from, Elvis reckoned it’s probably karma from a past life.

Despite his newfound fame and fortune, older sister Ashley laments “He’s still asking me for money.” Ah, some things never change. 

*Names changed.

This article first appeared in Issue 7, 2024.
Posted 2:17pm Sunday 14th April 2024 by Iris Hehir.