Blackboard misuse rampant. Critic happy as makes good filler story.

Critic’s continued coverage of nonsense filler stories relating to students sending silly messages on the Blackboard email system has sparked further silly messages, resulting in Critic writing another filler story. Aware of - but ultimately unconcerned by - the self-perpetuating cycle of lowest common denominator news reporting this has caused, we turn to coverage of the latest drama.
Firstly ANAT241 student Regan Ross turned to his class for help with his problem in effectively absorbing drugs into his system. Ross’ message was as pithy as it was poorly punctuated: “when i put suppositories up my anus im not sure how deep they need to be before the start working. I thought some people might be able to help but if your an expert in the area of shelving contact chunkylover32 @ 0276345326. I will pay top dollar for a one on one consultation.”

Concerned students told Critic that they had tried to contact Ross to help with his issue, but had discovered that “chunkylover32 @ 0276345326” was not a working email address.

One ANAT241 student who Critic spoke to said she was not sure which of her fellow classmates Ross was, but that she had seen “a real skeezy looking hipster in lectures who always looks like he is hungover from last night’s mega-boozer” which she would now assume was Ross unless evidence to the contrary arose.

Critic made no attempt to contact Ross because we were afraid we might have to shake his hand.

Meanwhile a more enterprising but also probably less amusing student in ECOL111 sent around an email to her class attempting to sell them bargain price cosmetics.

The email, from student Elly Haycox, was almost certainly modeled on the successful template used to sell fake Viagra and penis enlargement drugs on the internet, with liberal employment of * symbols and capitalised statements like “FULL REFUND” and “PAY ON DELIVERY” to entice buyers.

Haycox invited students in the class to join her in St David’s café from 4pm Thursday May 19, where “AVON COSMETICS” would be sold at “student friendly prices”.

Critic attempted to contact Haycox in order to source some cut-price cosmetics, but she wasn’t answering her phone. Poor customer service there, Elly.

Posted 7:41am Thursday 26th May 2011 by Gregor Whyte.