Critic asked students about the highs and lows of their University field trips over the years. We sorted through the field trips, past and present, and compiled this choose your own adventure, so students with boring degrees that don’t involve field trips can find out what life is like outside of the library.
How it works: Start at AGRI101, make your decision, and read below to discover your fate.
AGRI101
Your life is directionless. You somehow didn’t get into Lincoln so you choose AGRI101. You have no idea where your field trip is headed, the only thing you know is that you’re going “south”.
You’re on the bus, surrounded by roughly 20 girls who took the paper to find a farmer boy to marry. It's too late to turn back. You drive to various paddocks and observe middle-aged farmers digging ditches. There are no farmer boys to be seen. What do you do?
a) Ask one of the farmer girls to come back to your place to check our your Hilux.
b) Settle for one of the middle-ages (but rich) farmers.
Read below to discover your fate
TOUR219
You bus into Queenstown, stopping by SuperLiquor as you enter the city. As the night goes on you make it to Cowboys and Winnies. All the while, you are bonding with classmates who you have never spoken to before this point. There are many sexy people in Queenstown. A group of girls invite you skinny dipping, while a group of dudes invite you up Coronet for a bit of late night skiing. Who do you choose?
a) Skinny dipping girls.
b) Skiing boys.
Read below to discover your fate
ECOL111
You have to dig up cockles on a freezing beach for an entire day. This involves digging 1x1 metre holes in the beach and sifting through the wet sand. It is high tide, and you only have a muesli bar for lunch. A storm hits and your supervisors flee. You can either build a bonfire to shelter from the cold, or take refuge by slicing open a nearby sea-lion.
a) Build a bonfire to fight off the cold.
b) Slice open a nearby sea lion and climb inside its body for warmth.
Read below to discover your fate
AQFI 251
You get to explore Stewart Island, drink plenty of alcohol and eat great food from the local fisheries. You also get the Uni cabin on the island all to yourselves. One night, you venture to a nearby pub. Things escalate and you challenge a drunken local to a kayak race. You win the race, but before you return to shore, you are blown out to sea.
After days at sea, you reach a shipping lane. Two cargo ships cross your path: One is headed to Europe. One is headed to Brunei. Which ship do you choose?
a) Europe.
b) Brunei.
Read below to discover your fate
ECOL314
You follow your lecturer, the hero and legend Phil Bishop, deep into the Brunei rainforest to study frog communities. Your experiences are vast and challenging. You are gently caressed by unknown bright green spiders the size of dinner plates, bitten by bats. At one point you contract mysterious jungle fever, and discover a new species of snake. Your lecturer, Phil, offers you a lick of a mysterious frog. Do you accept?
a) Lick the frog.
b) Don’t lick the frog.
Read below to discover your fate
MICR204
You have had to endure several difficult microbiology papers to get to this trip, but it might be worth it. You go with ten other students and tour Emersons Brewery. You then consume endless samples of beer. There is no time limit and no beer limit. This is essentially real-life Charlie and the Chocolate Factory. Your Professor offers you a hit of a J, do you accept?
a) It would be rude not to.
b) No, you don’t smoke.
Read below to discover your fate
MATS204
You have to go on compulsory ‘field trips’ during lockdown. This involves someone videoing the Green Island dump to demonstrate the life-cycle of various disposable items. You wonder what it’s like to be happy. Aimlessly scrolling your feed one day, someone sends you an invite on Facebook to a group called Sign Up Club. Do you sign up?
a) Yes.
b) No.
Read below to discover your fate
LAME101
You are a fifth-year student having a late degree crisis. You realise that you’ve spent too much of your time at Uni being a good student. Life after Uni scares you and you’re unsure of your direction in life. Rather than find purpose, you decide to regress to your fresher years by getting wasted at BYOs and trashing restaurants. The inevitable end of Uni still looms, closer every day. What do you do?
a) Become a fresher again.
b) Grow up.
Read below to discover your fate
Exchange
You are a BA, so you decide to go to Europe because you have nothing better to do. You tour around Europe and are amazed by the range of cultures and accents you experience. You return to NZ and it seems dull and monocultural in comparison. You don’t shut the fuck up about your trip, but no one seems to care. Eventually you realise that it's not NZ culture that’s dull, it's your personality.
Read below to discover your fate
TOUR214 (Introduction to Wine Business)
You consume endless wine and food for an entire day as you tour around North Otago. At an exclusive vineyard, you are mistaken for a famous wine connoisseur. Winemakers provide you with endless alcohol and food, and you find happiness at last. You never have to do a field trip again. Congratulations.
Your Fate
AGRI101
a) The farmer girl is not impressed by your Hilux. You take up tourism, to try getting a new girlfriend. Go back to TOUR219.
b) You fall madly in love with the middle-aged farmer, but he contracts mad-cow disease. You take up microbiology in a desperate attempt to cure him. Go back to MICR204.
TOUR219
a) The girls are terrible at swimming and drown before you can save them, but you do discover a cool fish. It piques your interest in ecology. Go back to ECOL111.
b) The boys are way better at skiing than you, and you are far drunker than you thought. You crash into a ski lift pole and lose all ability to study real subjects. Your only option is to take material science. Go back to MATS204.
ECOL111
a) Bear Grylls let you down. The bonfire is not enough and you die of hypothermia. Return to the beginning.
b) The sea lion is washed away and you find yourself adrift at sea. You eventually float ashore at Stewart Island, where you are taken in by Otago students. Go back to AQFI 251.
AQFI251
a) You decide to stay in Europe for a little while. Go to Exchange.
b) In Brunei, you encounter a bunch of ecology students on a tropical field ecology trip. You decide to join them. Go back a page to ECOL314.
ECOL314
a) You are delirious and run away, becoming lost in a swamp. After days of hacking at vines with a machete, you make it out of the jungle alive. With a new, expanded perspective on life, you decide to kick back and study tourism. Go back to TOUR214.
b) Your research complete, you decide to return home via raft. After days of paddling, you are caught in a flash flood and drown. Return to the beginning.
MICR214
a) You idiot! You were too drunk. You black out, end up vomiting in the teachers college and get kicked out of Uni. Return to the beginning.
b) You decide to leave. Many of your fellow students can’t hold their piss and things are getting grim. Outside the brewery you are mugged by a gang of high schoolers with dreadlocks. You lose all motivation to study or do anything productive. The only thing left for you to take is material science. Go back to MATS204.
MATS204
a) Go back a page to LAME101.
b) While recovering from your head injury, you get into seafood in a huge way. You decide to learn how to farm fish. Go back to AQFI251.
LAME101
a) Regressing to the state of a fresher, you decide to take ecology. Go back to ECOL111.
b) It’s too late for you. One day, playing save the queen at a BYO, you choke on a coin. The restaurant manager is medically trained but decides against helping you because you just flooded the bathrooms. Go back to the beginning.
Exchange
You decide to get super into alternative music to seem like a more interesting person. You buy a record player and tonnes of vinyl. As you are carrying your new collection to your flat, you fall on a Joy Division record. The shards impale you, killing you instantly. Return to the beginning.