Features

We lucky Scarfies (OTP) are privy to the most unique form of currency around. It’s more unique than the rand, the clam, or even the button. We Scarfies have So-Go’s (Southern Gold). At $6 a pack, they provide the perfect way of assessing purchases and writing weekly budgets. Critic has taken the liberty of providing all the lads and ladettes out there with a breakdown of how to spend their Government-provided $163.38 (or 27 packs.) Critic has also assumed that, being true scarfies, you have all managed to find flats with no power bill, rent, or landlord. If not, study the gospel (i.e. the film Scarfies) in order to find out how.

FOOD.
Obviously a prime concern is food. Macca’s is doing a great job providing fantastic new meal deals, in three handy options. This is a wonderful opportunity for the most skux of the Scarfies to blow their whole So-Go budget solely on the basics. The wiser out there will quickly come to the realisation that a couple of daily Two-Four hound dogs will do the trick, at about half the price (about a dozen a day as opposed to two dozen!). 
Of course there are those who will use the supermarket, stocking up on frozen pies, toppers, and mince. In a flatting environment, y’all can probably look at (individually) blowing five packs worth on food each week, ideally including some frozen veg to delay the onset of scurvy. 
 
PHONE.
Another crucial element in the budget is the cellphone. Critic has assumed (potentially making an ass out of you and me in the process) that a fair chunk of the student population is on pre-pay, spending about three packs and a couple of extra floaters per month on their phone. (Breaking that down to the weekly budget, it works out at five So Go’s). This is essential, as those fly hunnaes and skux cunts ain’t gonna be texting you up if you ain’t got the cash (So-Go’s) to hit them back. And if you don’t know then now you know, nigger. 
 
SKY TV.
An essential for all Scarfies is a Sky subscription. You gotta catch code! As a flat, the monthly cost for the basic Sky plus sports package is 12 packs a month, three packs a week. Therefore, if we assume most peeps live in flats of five or six, then you’ll most likely be dishing out a dozen a month. Tight chat. H. 
 
DARTS.
Danny Archer wannabes and cool kids have another expense to worry about: darts. The tax increase will have hit this demographic hard, although the inelasticity of demand for cigarettes should mean we don’t see any major changes. As we at Critic aren’t South D scumbags, we’ve presented this piece based on tailies, a pack of which can be purchased for around two packs. Hopefully most of you aren’t too far gone yet, and limit it to two packs of tailies a week, so four packs of So Go’s. 
 
GEARS.
Critic understands that Canterbury trackies and leavers’ jerseys don’t have a lifetime guarantee, so it is important to budget for new gears. Saving a doz (two packs) a week will provide you with enough cash to buy a new t-shirt about once every two months. However, if you aim to just buy uglies (those practice footy jerseys for the unaware), you can expect far more durability and hence a longer life expectancy. Critic suggests you start saving now. 
 
PISS.
While this may not be scene three, act three, Critic has saved you somewhat of a climax. A given, then, that we’re talking about piss. This really throws the cat amongst the pigeons in terms of budgeting, as some Scarfies drop that cash, and others are just plain-old hooky. 
Critic has followed the old adage of a dozen before town, which times three nights a week equates to six packs. By our calculations (note the potential inaccuracy/ambiguity of these), this leaves another six packs and one precious So Go a week to spend in town. Y’all are kidding yourselves if you think this will suffice. Luckily, puffer jackets have pockets so you can sneak your So-Go’s in! Gardies may pat you down at the door, but that motherfucker is closing so you’ll have free reign. Rejoice!