Columns

The National Government Review

This review is done in the style of the rental star rating system that is currently being launched.

Insulation: This house is very well insulated. The fat-cats of Cabinet line the walls and ceiling nicely for a good thick blanket of warmth. None of this warmth gets out. 5/5.
Heating: The heat pumps are fantastic. Plenty of moist, hot air. 3/5.
Water / Heating: The water pipes are all old and shonky; as no one can get to them to fix them, the landlord will not agree to begin the process. The water heating system is in similar condition, with no one admitting that it needs a sustainability upgrade. -5/5.
Windows: Due to all of the moist, hot air, the windows are all foggy and no one can see in. There is no transparency. Consequently, no one can see out. No one in this house knows what is going on outside, and nor do they care. -5/5.
Foundations: These are dangerously shaky as they were installed in four non-uniform parts. Upgrades are needed, but the mail informing the householders of this never gets opened. -5/5.
Flooring: It is old and creaky and when the occupants take steps to move, they risk falling through. -4/5.
Section: This is slippery in places. There is no garden, and the land is slowly being poisoned so that nothing will grow there. The mine in the top right corner of the section threatens the stability of the whole street. There are piles of rubbish everywhere waiting for the mine-shaft to become un-occupied. -5/5.
Electrics: As with the water system, these need an upgrade, but the old ways are prevailing as the landlord is always in Australia. -4/5.
Construction: There are a few minor leaks. -1/5.
Placement: This house is the tallest in the street and towers over the other houses, blocking their sunlight. FYI: the landlord issued a demolition order to Canterbury House over water disputes. -5/5.
Bedrooms (4): One is large, square, ugly and ornate. One is splitting down the middle and in danger of falling in on itself, bringing the house down. One is tiny. The fourth is like a marae, but the allowance of tenants to enter with their shoes on has worn down the carpet. -5/5.
Overall Rating: -5/5. Dangerous and should be condemned.