Here lay the bodies of Swig60, our former and beloved Booze Reviewers… Nah. Sike, cuz! They just got a little too rowdy on Paddy’s and now can't even look at alcohol. Let alone write about it. So this task falls to me, Joan of Rark, the 2025 Booze Reviewer.
Grab your Venetian shade glasses, stupid-ass shoulderpads, and any other nostalgic ‘90s paraphernalia you can dig out of your parents cupboard that hasn't seen the light of day since 2006. It’s time to crack open one of these winey bastards. This dated, but not aged, trio come in the standard lemon-lime, pineapple, and a peach and guava mashup. Always good to see a new flavour combo to keep us on our toes.
I’ve only had the dis/pleasure of trying two of the flavours, but if I had to hedge my bets, I’d say the pineapple would probably be nice – can’t really fuck a pineapple up. The peach and guava flavour is a pretty fucking splendid mashup that goes down shockingly well for a mixed beverage. This being said, the primary focus of my review is on the lemon-lime, which for some reason has become the standard for RTD flavours. Given that Miamis predate anyone reading this (I fucking hope) they could very well have set a trend in the Bev-o-sphere that all these youngins chose to follow.
As far as lemon-lime beverages go, Miamis are quite the outlier. They’re a mix of white wine and vodka, arguably the least scullable beverages out there. They are 5% however, which doesn’t hurt. The citrus is clean, not like Spray ‘n Wipe clean but just kinda summery. Surprisingly refreshing for something that looks like it came out of your Granddad's retro beer fridge, with a sweetness that cuts through the wine dryness. It's perfect for a night of watching shitty rental movies, making love to your partner in a shitty hatchback or having a shitty time in town.
Taste: 6/7
Scullability: 6.7/10
Pairs well with: ‘90s neon windbreakers
Hangover Rating: They needed coke in the ‘90s for a reason
