Aquarius

Stand in the lounge facing the flatmate you hate the most. Hold your hands up, make them mirror your actions. Start weeping, break the distance, hold them close.

This week’s lunchbox trade: Blue Moosie

 

Pisces

This week’s lunchbox trade: Mamee noodles, raw

 

Aries

Chivalry ain’t dead this week. Write your lecture crush a letter and slip it in their AS Colour tote when they aren’t looking.

This week’s lunchbox trade: Tiny Teddies with dip

 

Taurus

Your chakras are all out of whack, Taurus. Perfect time to realign and insert something up your anus.

This week’s lunchbox trade: Skoff BBQ Tripods

 

Gemini

2019 is already halfway over and you still haven’t tried crack yet. That’s all I’m gonna say.

This week’s lunchbox trade: Fruit nuggets

 

You need financial inspo as Venus enters your financial zone. Check out the #entrepreneur hashtag on IG. Also, girls who have boys’ hoodies - they need em back!!!!!

This week’s lunchbox trade: Luncheon and tomato sauce sandwich

 

Leo

Stop stimulating your bits and stimulate your brain for once. Start doing one Sudoku a day before uni to get your brain juices flowing.

This week’s lunchbox trade: Peach Go-gurt

 

Virgo

Steal the rat king from the Otago Museum and use it as a wreath for your front door.

This week’s lunchbox trade: Boiled egg, haha loser

 

Libra

Spring just got sprung and so have you, bitch.

This week’s lunchbox trade: Pineapple Roll-up

 

Scorpio

This week you look way too sexy to care about climate change.

This week’s lunchbox trade: Banana CalciYum

 

Sagittarius

The next time you say ‘surely’ to the boys, something really fucked up is gonna happen and you’ll almost definitely deserve it.

This week’s lunchbox trade: Annie’s fruit leather, shame.

 

Capricorn

Try to convince people you have personality by changing your profile picture to something dumb you did on the piss. Humbling, ugly and niche.

This week’s lunchbox trade: Cheese Strings