UoO Moaningful Confessions | International Sexcapades

UoO Moaningful Confessions | International Sexcapades

The downside of dating an international exchange student is that whatever meaningful connection you’ve made has a 5-month expiry date (assuming you met at the start of semester) because long-distance relationships are like the lie you tell yourself on a dusty Tuesday morning after blacking out in a bush on Castle that you’ll never drink again – you might succeed if you tried, but studies have shown the average uni student is about 8-10 years away from developing any sense of self-control (Asher & Skinner, 1994). The upside, however, is that inhibitions are out the window as you’re frantically trying to fit in all the sexual shenanigans a healthy lasting relationship should have before time runs out and you say your goodbyes.

So there we were on a cute date at Capers – remote control in my hand, wireless vibrating egg up her soaked pussy. She struggles making eye contact as the waiter brings us our 2-for-1 pancakes (thanks RAD1), her knuckles white from gripping the cutlery too hard. If anyone noticed her facial expressions, they probably just thought her pancakes were really REALLY good. 9 minutes of picking at our food and cycling through the 10 vibration settings go by before she looks up at me with hunger in her eyes, hunger that pancakes cannot satisfy. She nodded her head at the door, so I quickly packed up our food, adjusted the growing hardness in my jeans as subtly as I can in a busy restaurant, and we headed out to make something of this borderline exhibitionist foreplay.

Expediently, Knox Church was right across the street and who else besides two horny kids would be at church on a Friday afternoon? We headed up to the first floor and settled into the pews overlooking the altar below. She wasted no time undoing my jeans and immediately I felt her tongue flicking at my balls then running slick up and down my hard cock. She takes my peen into her mouth and it hits the back of her throat as she tries to deepthroat me. She knows I like it sloppy and I feel her spit dripping off my balls and running down my asscrack. Remote still in hand, I bump up the vibrator intensity and her sudden muffled moans on my cock added to the pleasure. I then prop my feet up on the pews and she knows exactly what to do – still jerking my dick with her hand, her tongue traced lower down my crack and she starts tongue-fucking my butthole (it’s 2k19,  don’t knock it till you try it). I don’t think I’ve ever said “oh God” more passionately and sincerely in a church.

Urgently, I pulled her up and bent her over the banister. The egg sees daylight once again, and was quickly replaced by my eager cock. I slipped in easy, her pussy already slick and dripping. As I pounded away I reached around to caress her hard nipples, then ran a hand down her body to rub her clit. With that she thrusted deeper against me, her pussy tightened harder around my cock, making me believe that surely heaven is real. Plus, we could repent for our sins on the spot as we committed them – that’s spiritual efficiency right there.

Grunting hard, I felt my cum building up as we thrusted furiously against each other. Unfortunately, right then we heard a door creak open followed by footsteps. We got spooked, quickly dressed ourselves, popped the egg back in and made our way out.

Exiting the church, we sheepishly brushed past a family of Asian tourists in the foyer who gave us strange looks – probably because we were suspiciously sweating too much for a place of worship, and maybe also because we reeked of sex. I’m probably breaching the word limit at this point, so long story short we ventured on to the changing rooms at Kmart where she rode me reverse cowgirl and I blew my load down the back of her throat, then we went to the movies and watched Tag (very easy plot to follow if you’re multitasking doing other stuff under the seats).

No more than 3 weeks later she was back State-side and I never saw her again. Each new semester rolled around with a new international to fall for, a new remote control egg to buy, and new places to defile. So if you’ve ever heard a low buzzing sound at the library, or wondered why that girl at Maccas kept spazzing out every time she tries to put chips in her mouth, now you know why.

Explicitly praising the lord: 9.5/10 recommend

This article first appeared in Issue 15, 2019.
Posted 6:01pm Thursday 11th July 2019 by Critic.