OOOOOH MY GOD. HOLY SHIT. NO. NOPE. NO. NO. I CANNOT BELIEVE THIS FILM EXISTS. I HAVE NEVER FELT SO ENRAGED AND DISGUSTED AND CONFUSED AT THE SAME TIME. WORDS CANNOT EVEN DESCRIBE HOW TERRIBLE THIS FILM IS. FUCKING HELL ADAM SANDLER, WHAT THE FUCK MAN? WHY THE FUCK DID YOU DO THIS?
FOR REAL THE FILM’S WHOLE PREMISE IS BASED UPON THIS 13-YEAR-OLD KID THAT FUCKS HIS TEACHER AND GETS HER PREGNANT WHICH IS ALL KINDS OF FUCKED UP. THAT’S FUCKING ILLEGAL SANDLER! AND THEN THE KID BECOME SUPER FAMOUS AND EVERYONE’S LIKE “OH MY GOD THERE’S DONNY WHO FUCKED HIS TEACHER WOAH HE’S THE MAN LETS MAKE HIM REAL FAMOUS!” WHICH IS EVEN MORE FUCKED UP! AND THEN HE BECOMES THIS DEADBEAT WHO TRIES TO RECONNECT WITH HIS SON WHO, GET THIS, IS CALLED HANS SOLO AND OH MY GOD I AM JUST SO FUCKING ANGRY.
LIKE SURE, SANDLER IS TRYING TO GO BACK TO THE GOOD OL’ “HAPPY GILMORE” DAYS OF HUMOUR BUT THIS MOVIE IS SO OFFENSIVE. I DID A TALLY, AND I HAD TO PAUSE IT 32 TIMES WITHIN AN HOUR TO TRY AND COMPOSE MYSELF (AND THAT’S NOT EVEN HALFWAY THROUGH). IT HAS MULTIPLE SCENES WHICH ARE EXTREMELY RACIST, HOMOPHOBIC, MISOGNYSTIC – IT COVERS ALL THE FUCKING SQUARES OF OFFENSIVE BINGO.
AND THE FILM IS TWO HOURS LONG?? THERE IS SO MUCH FILLER BULLSHIT THAT MAKES NO. FUCKING. SENSE. MY FAVORITE QUOTE IS “VANILLA ICE FUCKED GRANDMA!” BECAUSE WHAT?!?! WHY THE FUCK IS THIS A PART OF THIS FILM? AND THEN THERE IS A WHOLE STORYLINE DEVOTED TO HOW THE MAIN CHARACTER’S FIANCE IS SLEEPING WITH HER BROTHER? LIKE WHO FINDS THIS SHIT FUNNY?! WHY DOES ADAM SANDLER THINK THIS IS A GREAT IDEA?! WHAT THE FUCK GOES THROUGH SOMEONE’S HEAD TO BE LIKE WOAH WOULDN’T IT BE SICK IF WE BASICALLY CREATE A TWO HOUR LONG WANK FEST THAT IS EXTREMELY DISRESPECTFUL AND OFFENSIVE BUT SLAP ON THE OL’ “HAPPY GILMORE” BRANDING AND IT MAKES EVERYTHING OK?!
I AM AT THE END OF MY ROPE WITH THIS BULLSHIT. I DON’T KNOW HOW MUCH MORE OF THIS I CAN TAKE. FUCK YOU ADAM SANDLER. YOU’VE GONE TOO FUCKING FAR THIS TIME. FUCK YOU.