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Top 5 Artists Who Would Could Out-Scarfie Any Scarfie

Some people are such loose units that they deserve to be called honorary Scarfies. Here is a handful of them.
 
   5. Caravaggio: This Italian Renaissance artist murdered a young man named Ranuccio Tomassoni in 1606 over a “row over a tennis match.” It turns out that there is historical evidence to suggest that it was actually a “botched attempt to castrate him.” Now you might be thinking that this isn’t Scarfie. But it’s the principle that counts. You know, like when you drunkenly say, “I’m going to get that street sign,” and end up with five stitches and a badly sprained ankle. We’ve all done something that didn’t turn out the way it was intended!
 
   4. Brent Case: To be fair, I’m stretching the definition of ‘artist’ a bit far. But I’m going to call Brent an escape artist. Of death. He happening to be chilling out in a forest in Canada when suddenly a grizzly bear came up to him, asking for a pot of honey and where the nearest ski range was. Actually, the bear ferociously attacked him. Rather than being a pussy like you, Brent played dead as the bear started devouring his head more savagely than a Scarfie drunkenly eating a kebab at 3am. Since bears don’t tend to eat an already-dead victim, rather than screaming like a sissy, Brent managed to get to his car and drove another 15 miles covered in blood and bear love nibbles. Massive tough nuts.
 
   3. Gene Simmons: The front-man for Kiss. He claims to have slept with around 4600 women. Enough said.
 
   2. Johnny Cash: Other than the fact that his songs are awesome, Johnny Cash was renowned for just being a badass. In 1965, his truck accidentally caught fire and triggered the incineration of several hundred acres of Californian forest. When asked by the Judge why he did it, he replied "I didn't do it, my truck did, and it's dead, so you can't question it." Perhaps some of you couch burners should take notes. Now you know what to say to a Judge rather than singing the lyrics to ‘Ring of Fire’.
 
   1. Jaco Pastorius: Known as one of the greatest bassists ever, Jaco excelled at what many jazz musicians did in the seventies and eighties: consuming copious amounts of drugs and alcohol. However, it’s not this that made him quirky. It was his antics. Like the time he was so wasted that he drove into a hotel lobby in Japan, fell off the motorcycle, and passed out. He was then found to have a dead squid under his t-shirt. Or the time in Hawaii, where he disappeared for a day and was found by police in the mountains. Naked. With axle grease smeared all over his body. I bet if he was asked why he did it, he’d probably say something like “Oh, I thought it would be a funny story to tell the boys!”