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Top 5 Ways To Get Rid Of A Bad Root

This one is for the ladies. Surely many of you have taken a guy home that was so bad in the sack that you just wish it would end. Well, here are a few techniques to speed up that process. These happen to me all the time so I can assure you that they work.
 
5. “Our baby is going to be so beautiful:” Most guys at university would probably agree that pregnancy is one of the worst STIs you can get. Even hinting that you’re trying to get pregnant is probably going to make him jump off ASAP. The key thing is getting the tone right. You need to sound as excited as possible in a crazy sort of way.
 
4. Tell Them a Secret: Sometimes you know a guy is going to be terrible in the first few minutes. If this is the case, stop and say to him “I hope you don’t mind but I get really bad night terrors.” If he’s not quite sure what that means, just tell him that you constantly wake up screaming at the top of your lungs like a banshee.
 
3. Let One Rip: As far as most guys are concerned, girls can’t fart. So letting a flurry of repugnant farts rip will kill a boner faster than the sound of Susanne Paul’s voice. Don’t want to fart in front of a dude? Trust me, it’s going to be far more awkward for him than it is for you. If that doesn’t work just say, “those weren’t farts ... they were queefs.” Then watch him run like the wind!
 
2. The Name Game: If you’re starting to get bored but don’t want to be too harsh, the best method is to call him a different name. Pretend you’re getting really into it and say “Oh yes, [insert incorrect name here]!” If possible, try and use the name of a good friend of his. Most likely he’ll stop what he’s doing and ask “What the fuck?” Then you can make semi-convincing apology but by then the mood should be dead, leaving you to get a good night’s sleep.
 
1. “Are you in yet?”: If all else fails, sometimes you need to go straight at the jugular for maximum effectiveness. Giving an indirect attack on a man’s meat missile is by far the most gutting method. No guys wants to think that their sex is like throwing a sausage down a hallway, so this is a winner.