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Critic sets up two lucky students on a blind date (courtesy of the lovely people at Toast), complete with a bar tab and positive vibez, in an attempt to prove that Dunedinites can date. The only catch: the love birds each divulge all the salacious details of their date in a short snappy article after the fact.

Ashton
 Before my date, I thought I would make a bit of an effort. Went for a gym sesh, had a shower, my weekly shave, even chucked on some smellies and some half decent gears. I was thinking casual but cool so as not to look like a hard-out. I had a few cans of confidence to get me in the mood, with a classic 6er of everyone’s favourite; diesel.
 
Got to Toast pretty much right on time. My date was late (fucking girls ay). I knew Jamie, so a bit of a catch up shit talk with him till she turned up a few minutes later. After quick introductions there was no fuckin’ ‘round. Straight into it, shakers followed by a 20 questions grilling from my date- not used to hanging out with birds and doing all the talking. A few more shakers including one I made (which turned out to be shit as), a shot and then some interesting conversations with Jamie’s old lady about speed dating with the elderly amongst other yarns, I finished me red bull vodka, then marched on to the next destination. Cheers Jamie the man.
 
A quick stop in at Alibi as I saw me mate Jake working, a wild turkey honey bourbon whisky and ginger beer with lime, and a shot of some blue stuff, mixed with some always good chat from Jake. My date was definitely getting drunker (haha yuss). I can actually handle my piss alright, her not so well, but she held up pretty good. Cheers for the hook-up Jake. We were off to Vivace.
 
Apparently I was gonna meet some of her mates. We never did, but you can’t trust woman- that’s why we only shag them. I was already suspicious of my date- seemed to know a bit too much about me, then at Vivace, I met the girl from the Critic who organises summer lovin’, who was friends with my date, later finding my date knew who I was before our date via leaked information and an old fashioned Facebook stalk. We sang Journey and Aqua songs, had a few Asian drinks (I sneakily had heaps more, like the fullah in the “mate” ad that becomes just “Dave”).
 
All the law kids were munted and beginning to disappear so we went to Di lusso for a bottle of wine. My date was started to feel a bit rough (and looking it too) so I polished off pretty much the whole bottle. A classic romantic feed at 24 maccas to end the night. I didn’t hold back at all getting a hideously massive feed, then dropped my date off home, which was next door to some good mates of mine. I swear this town is too damn small. Was a good night with some good chat. Thanks summer lovin’ for making Tuesdays fun again, no doubt a Facebook stalk is in order.
 
Demi
Ripping my date to pieces seemed a bit cliché. My date was an absolute stud with good chat, even if he did talk about himself the whole evening (which spanned 6 and a half hours). Turns out he is some mad dog in Dunnaz and knew every bartender we came across (that equals a lot of free drinks).
After getting toasted at Toast (jk lol), Vivace beckoned. Those desperate law students who hadn’t yet managed to pull at their end of Mystery bus tour embraced us with open arms, but not as much as they embraced each other. Lots of incestuous shit going on there. This stint reached its crescendo with an Oasis “Don’t look back in anger” group karaoke, while we all held each other in a totally-cringe-but-so-legit-because-we-were-battling-from-those-potent-plum-shots kind of way. Some blonde law chick was blatantly trying to get a piece but I told her to get her hands off my man. Shame.
Over a bottle of Twin Islands Sav in Di Lusso, he serenaded me with Adele’s “Someone like you”. I’m actually not joking. The bartender got a bit awkward and didn’t quite know where to look, but I thoroughly enjoyed the rendition.
My gurgling tummy longed for some grease. I convinced him that a taxi from Octy to George St Maccas was a goer. The Maccas bright lights were overwhelming and I got a bit dazed and confused. Thought for a second he might have slipped me something but I totally perked up after a burger. And his fries.
We ended up shouting at each other all down George Street for reasons I don’t remember. But I did let him walk me home. He looked at me with longing eyes, delicately placed a kiss on my cheek and bid me farewell. What a gentleman.