Horoscopes: Week 12

Horoscopes: Week 12

Uranus is drawing you to social activism and meaningful connections this week. Check out what cool Facebook events are on and get involved – you never know who you'll meet. Actually go to the weird raves and slam poetry sessions you click ‘interested in’ to seem cool and edgy.
Rivalry to research: Drake vs Kendrick

Your dreams will come true. Not in a sappy believe-in-yourself way, but in a weird and fucked up way. Like if you have dreamt about a steamy night with the person of your dreams you may end up locked in the OUSA sauna with them. 
Rivalry to research: Jake Paul vs Logan Paul

Aries, this week an expensive item will be calling your name and popping up on Instagram ads. Don’t give into the temptation, you’ve worked so hard on those savings. It's not worth putting yourself in the red for a new pair of shoes or an iPad you know you won't write notes on.
Rivalry to research: JoJo Siwa vs The internet

Life is feeling a little tough this week but just push through. It’s the busy season for Uni and all your assignments are due within a few days of each other. Pack a bag and move into the library for the week and you should be fine. 
Rivalry to research: Courtney Love vs Olivia Rodrigo

Setting achievable goals for yourself will help with the winter blues. Even if you put ‘brush teeth’ on your to-do list just to have something to check off, it will motivate you to do the big things like catch up on the 12 lectures you’ve been putting off.
Rivalry to research: Olivia Wilde vs. The entire Don’t Worry Darling cast

Cancer, the little voice inside your head has been telling you you’ve been a shit cunt lately, and it's right. Your friends don't deserve to be followed around by a storm cloud of a person. So change your tune and people will like you a lot more.
Rivalry to research: Elton John vs. Madonna

The sun is bringing around a wave of creativity for you, Leo. You’ll be filled with motivation and a zest for life you haven't had since Dunedin’s icy mornings began. Take advantage and fit as much fun as you can into this week – who knows when it will be warm enough to do anything other than complain about the cold again?
Rivalry to research: The Rock vs Vin Diesel 

Nothing seems to be going for you right now, so why not pick up a new skill? Try learning how to cite essays rather than relying on a website to do it for you, learn to cook a new meal, or start a Duolingo streak.
Rivalry to research: David Bain vs New Zealand government

This week will bring a lot of conflict. Make sure you don't get riled up: be the bigger person and apologise even if it means you need to call your mum after and complain about the other person. While being petty is fun, it often leads to people shit-talking you.
Rivalry to research: Perez Hilton vs Everyone

Love is in the air. As a Scorpio, you are a very sensual person, and finding someone to meet all your needs (physical AND emotional) is near impossible. But this week, you’ll find someone who is talented enough to take you to meet the big O and can also handle your outbursts.
Rivalry to research: Ye vs Taylor Swift

Make sure that you go out this week. You're never going to have as much fun as you're having at uni ever again, so stop staying in and embrace the student lifestyle. Everyone else is also poor, tired and has work in the morning.
Rivalry to research: Doja Cat vs Noah Schnapp

This year you have been making group projects your bitch, but the power has gone to your head. Just take it slow and let other people do the talking for a change. You can always edit the slide show the morning of the presentation just to show everyone who’s boss.
Rivalry to research: Kim DotCom vs The FBI

This article first appeared in Issue 12, 2024.
Posted 2:56pm Sunday 19th May 2024 by Critic.