Horoscopes: Week 4

Horoscopes: Week 4

Aquababes, you are levelling up and recognising your worth. Financially you're doing amazing, finally curbing that wee spending habit. Stay focused and remember: just because it's on sale, that doesn't mean you're losing money if you don't buy it.
Sweet treat of the week: Choccy sundae

With Pisces season coming to a close and the sun moving into your sign, prioritise self-care and wellness. Sometimes this comes in the form of an everything shower and sometimes in the form of ghosting people. Trust your psychic intuition to help get rid of the bitches in your life.
Sweet treat of the week: A big bowl of Coco Pops

Midweek is all about you (yasss), as Venus enters your sign and you become the hottest bitch on the block. But before impulsively hooking up with them at pint night, remember that everyone becomes the flavour of the month at least once a year; you can definitely do better than that sweaty beezy/breatha.
Sweet treat of the week: Jam on toast

Taurus, life’s been a little rough but this week will bring a lot of clarity. Talking about how you’re feeling is a great tool to stop crying every night, but watch out for people twisting your need for validation to meet their own needs. Be patient with those around you, the struggle is real but you’ll get there in the end. 
Sweet treat of the week: Rocky road 

This week you are a social butterfly, Venus and Uranus are rubbing the right way, and your calendar is full. Just remember cancelling on your friends again hurts their feelings too. Embrace spontaneity, you're only a carefree, debt-riddled student once.
Sweet treat of the week: Fruit salad (yummy yummy)

This week, Mars is in your career sector. LinkedIn is already your favourite form of social media and this week comes with many more connections. Maybe spice up your profile with an update about your summer job stacking shelves at PaknSave and the resilience it taught you.
Sweet treat of the week: Iced coffee with cream

This week there are new things to do and new friends to make. Don't let jealous flatties hold you back: make new memories! But be wary of people luring you into pyramid schemes. While you're truly an independent creature, ask your mum before starting a new business venture.
Sweet treat of the week: Sipping milk straight from the bottle

As Venus enters your relationship sector, those closest to you become the centre of your universe. While you aren't afraid to share what's on your mind (you're a cunt), this week work on staying open-minded (less cunty) and non-judgemental of (everyone’s) opinions around you.
Sweet treat of the week: Frozen Coke

Watching day-in-the-life videos religiously doesn't make up for the 11am wakeups. This week it's time to live like you're in one of those videos: try going to class and cooking yourself a meal that isn't Up & Go and 2-minute noodles. Sometimes leaving your room is beneficial. 
Sweet treat of the week: A slither of Bavarian pie

You creative little bug, you. You’re feeling bored and pent up, so it’s time to spice up your life, make a new playlist, and change your room around. It’s a good way to indulge your artistic self without falling into the trap of bangs or purple box dye. It didn't look good in 2019, and it won't look good now. 
Sweet treat of the week: Burnt microwave mug cake

This week you are the peacemaker in your living situation, whether that is defusing the ticking time bomb that is your friend group or making sure to put the dishwasher on at night. You're the glue holding everyone around you together. Thanks mum.
Sweet treat of the week: A Calipo

This week you’re a fountain of knowledge, and those around you are sick of the fucking shit facts you’re spouting. With Mercury entering your communications sector, hold your tongue so everyone doesn't roll their eyes when you open your mouth. Impress one of your geriatric lecturers with some facts about the Battle of Normandy instead of your peers. 
Sweet treat of the week: A con

This article first appeared in Issue 4, 2024.
Posted 5:10pm Sunday 17th March 2024 by Critic.