Do it your fucking self: How to fix a scratchy woollen jumper or flannel

Do it your fucking self: How to fix a scratchy woollen jumper or flannel

Yeah, it’s still too warm for flannels but that just means that they’re dirt cheap at op shops. Wool (as in fibre grown from sheep or similar, not just any kind of yarn) is a natural material that keeps you warm and dries quickly when it’s wet. It can also be scratchier than a long-nailed lay. Here’s how to fix it for cheap: 

  1. Check that your garment is wool. Have a look at the tag – synthetic fibres can feel a bit like wool, but they have completely different care instructions (e.g. you can use fabric softener on acrylic/polyester for great results, but these seldom work on wool).
  2. (Optional) Use a lint brush to comb off any scratchy fluff.
  3. Wash the garment in cold water if it needs a wash, or if you just bought it. Don’t wanna seal in all that muck. Follow washing instructions on the tag. If you can’t be fucked hand washing, use a very gentle washing machine cycle with cold water. 
  4. Bust out the hair conditioner. It seems a bit weird but when you think about it, wool is just sheep’s hair. Products made for hair work on hair. If you’re too good to use your own (or your flatmate’s) any cheap conditioner will do – the less fragranced and bougie, the better. If your garment is delicate, try a conditioner made for children or little bitches. 
  5. Fill a bucket or sink with a bit of cold water and add a generous dollop of conditioner, at least twice what you’d use on yourself. Mix the conditioner in and then add your garment. 
  6. Submerge the wool garment, making sure it is fully saturated, and then leave to soak for at least 10 minutes. Double or triple this time if it’s really itchy. 
  7. Give it a quick rinse in cold water. Gently squeeze out as much water as you can. 
  8. Put a towel on the floor and lay your damp garment on top of it. Try and do this carefully – make sure it’s flat and not bunched up weird or it may dry misshapen. 
  9. Roll the garment up in the towel like sushi. Step on it. No, seriously – apply pressure to squeeze out excess water. 
  10. Unroll, gently caress (it’s so soft now!) then lay the garment out flat to finish drying. 
This article first appeared in Issue 4, 2024.
Posted 5:04pm Sunday 17th March 2024 by Critic.