Moaningful Confessions | Dick munter

Moaningful Confessions | Dick munter

Dunedin is great, but if the ‘Dunedin Experience’ involves, as he described it “the worst sex story I can think of” I’m not sure the wonderful student experience is worth it. 
 
For context, I wasn’t sure we would have sex again after a couple weeks of hooking up earlier in the year, but after a few cones a friend and I ended up back at his place. I’m a hungry lil guy after a shmoke, so naturally I smashed back five or six pieces of toast before heading up to his room. All was going well, I started giving him head. Like I said, hungry lil guy. I’m normally pretty skilled with that sort of stuff –I know everyone says that, but one time a guy told me he loved me after I gave him head (and I’d only met him that night), so I’m not allllll talk. 
 
Anyway, all is well. He’s about to finish (as he so kindly lets me know), so I'm just doing my thing… when disaster strikes. He projectile cums into the back of my throat and, to my absolute horror, I munt everywhere. I mean every. Where. It’s on the bed, the duvet, somehow ending up on items on the other side of the room. We got a towel – it was very inadequate – and eventually he went to shower it all off. His dick was like a vomit shelf. He told me the next day he had to literally pick the seeds from the toast out of his pubes. 
 
I was pretty sure we weren't going to come back from that, but somehow we ended up sleeping together quite a bit in the following few weeks. One particular night we really hadn't planned to do anything, but at some point we ended up alone together in the shower and it just sort of happened. 
 
We started having sex but it wasn't really working (bit of a tight location) so I decided we should have a retry of the whole giving head thing. It really wasn't the best idea in hindsight, especially considering the fact that I’d had quite a wee bit of bad-decision-juice. I thought I was all good. Until it happened AGAIN. Who munts on someone’s dick twice in a month? Oh god it was bad. Luckily this time we were in the shower, which was a far more ideal location, and since I had been drinking so much it was purely goon, neither of which typically come with seeds. He was far sweeter than deserved both times. I must say, if I had to throw up on someone’s penis, I’m glad it was his.

This article first appeared in Issue 26, 2022.
Posted 8:18pm Sunday 9th October 2022 by Critic.