Archive

ODT Watch | Issue 25

Posted 4:25pm Sunday 23rd September 2012 by Staff Reporter

In honour of the 24hr issue, we took all of this week’s ODT Watch out of Wednesday’s issue. You might worry that one day’s worth of ODT isn’t enough to make an entire ODT Watch. Oh, how wrong you would be … You’ve all heard the saying “What happens in Milton, stays in Milton”, right? No? Read more...

Poetry | Issue 25

Posted 4:25pm Sunday 23rd September 2012 by Staff Reporter

Her name was Elizabeth She wore glasses and cashmere We held hands by fireside and teased about childish things It was raining, and quick. Her name was Ashlee She sat next to me in white dresses We walked without speaking around mountaintop monasteries in flaming summer Read more...

In 'da House | Issue 25

Posted 4:25pm Sunday 23rd September 2012 by Holly Walker

As I write this, it is 119 years to the day since New Zealand became the first country in the world to recognise women’s right to vote. Thanks Kate Sheppard. Heart you. New Zealanders are rightly proud that we were the first to do this. Smug, even. And fair enough; it’s awesome. It is Read more...

Diatribe | Issue 25

Posted 4:25pm Sunday 23rd September 2012 by Dan Benson-Guiu

You may have heard that the Islamic world has been set alight again, but this time, not by a revolution – a truly crap movie has upset Islam, and I urge anyone with an eye for Z-grade films to watch Innocence of Muslims. The film whatever you want to call it mocks the Prophet Mohammed, calling him a Read more...

Sex at The Dinner Table | Issue 25

Posted 4:25pm Sunday 23rd September 2012 by Checker-out St Flat

The plan for this week was to do a sex position review and details of how I got a blowjob in Bill English’s bathroom, but Joe’s dictatorial order that every measly word of this week had to researched and written from within the Critic office would have made at least the position review mega awkward. Read more...

Microbiographia | Issue 25

Posted 4:25pm Sunday 23rd September 2012 by Toby Newberry

Heshen was a corrupt Chinese official who lived during the second half of the 18th century. Corrupt officials, one might think, are a dime a dozen. What separates Heshen from the pack is his remarkable success. Though estimates are conflicting, it is believed thatwhen he died aged 48, Heshen’s Read more...

For The Record | Issue 25

Posted 4:25pm Sunday 23rd September 2012 by Lukas Clark-Memler

I’ve always liked Thursdays. A distaste for Mondays, Tuesdays, and Wednesdays really doesn’t have to be explained; Rebecca Black has forever ruined Friday for me; Saturday is all about anticipation, and the day itself is generally lost in the buildup to “the night”; Sunday Bloody Sunday is a day of Read more...

Straight Up | Issue 25

Posted 4:25pm Sunday 23rd September 2012 by La Dida

6.45 am Wake up. Shit. Face creased from sleeping on top of Foucault. 7.00 am Look at face in mirror. Cleanse. Scrub. Tone. Moisturise. Eye cream. Foundation. Ahhhhhhhhhhhh no concealer! Eyebrow pencil. Sunblock. Perfume. Hair product. Perfume. Try on wig. Take off wig. Try on wig with Read more...

Notes on a Scandal | Issue 25

Posted 4:25pm Sunday 23rd September 2012 by Brittany Mann

I saw a group of people doing a tag-team keg stand in the middle of the Cumberland/Dundas intersection on Saturday, while the Cumberland lights were red. It pretty much made my life. If you were one of those brave, carefree whippersnappers and you’re reading this, well, I take my hat off to you. I Read more...

Yes We Might! | Issue 25

Posted 4:25pm Sunday 23rd September 2012 by Creepy Uncle Sam

You know why Cracked still exists? Because lists are fun and easy, that’s why. So here’s a compilation of the 17 best quotes of the election campaign so far: 17. “I love the women’s movement – especially when walking behind it.” – Rush Limbaugh, responding to accusations of sexism. 16. Read more...

Me Love You Long Time | Issue 25

Posted 4:25pm Sunday 23rd September 2012 by Lovebirds

None of you read this anyway. It’s just that little weird standfirst bit above the action below. But anyway ... The Blind Date has been at Metro bar for the last few weeks, and it sounds like they’ve been putting on quite a show. Great feed, good drinks, excellent service etc etc. If you want in on Read more...

Editorial | Issue 25

Posted 4:25pm Sunday 23rd September 2012 by Joe Stockman

Wow. This week’s issue of Critic is the 24hr issue. We started work on it at 6am last Wednesday, and we’re just now about to send it off to print at 6am on Thursday morning. All of the content and design has been completed within 24hrs. Needless to say, we’re all pretty exhausted. As far as Read more...

ODT Watch | Issue 24

Posted 4:57pm Sunday 16th September 2012 by Staff Reporter

You may have missed it, what with the snow and all, but the NZ Herald moved from a broadsheet to a tabloid format last week. To celebrate this first step on the road to obsolescence for NZ’s largest newspaper, we’ve let the pun-seeking powers of ODT Watch loose on the Herald’s hallowed pages. The Read more...

Scary Vengeful God

Posted 4:57pm Sunday 16th September 2012 by Greg Hughson

Last week we held our University and Polytechnic Chaplaincy Annual General meeting. It was a chance to pause and reflect on all that we have been trying to do as a Chaplaincy team here on campus over the last 12 months. Primarily what we are here for is to offer pastoral care and spiritual support. Read more...

Poetry | Issue 24

Posted 4:57pm Sunday 16th September 2012 by Staff Reporter

Round and round it turns, Taking its time as it rolls uphill; Turning so slowly that You’d need to etch A groove upon its circumference To track its progress. You visit the site, Where the wheel is, Once—or maybe twice—a week And record the position of the groove, Read more...

In 'da House | Issue 24

Posted 4:57pm Sunday 16th September 2012 by Holly Walker

In my second year at Otago, I went to bed each night wearing thermals under my flannel pyjamas, and slept under two duvets and a sleeping bag. In my third year, ice formed on the inside of my bedroom windows overnight. In my fourth year, strange black liquid ran down the hallway wall. You Read more...

Sex at The Dinner Table | Issue 24

Posted 4:57pm Sunday 16th September 2012 by Checker-out St Flat

Our student poverty has reached a new level: we bake our own bread. “Shane, shouldn’t you get the bread out of the oven?” Louise asked. “Good point,” I said, checking my watch. “It’s basically due.” “Ha!” Louise yelled. “It’s in the oven and it’s Jew!” “Well, they are Read more...

Microbiographia | Issue 24

Posted 4:57pm Sunday 16th September 2012 by Toby Newberry

Roughly 500 years ago, Nicolaus Copernicus wrote a book, the gist of which was: “Hey guys, the Earth isn’t the centre of the universe, it actually goes around the Sun, lol.” Good job Copernicus. But wait, there’s more: 1800 years before Copernicus, another chap wrote a book (or scroll, whatevs) that Read more...

For The Record | Issue 24

Posted 4:57pm Sunday 16th September 2012 by Lukas Clark-Memler

Mentioning Nickelback is a surefire way of attracting attention. It worked, didn’t it? You saw the title and immediately dived into this column with knee-jerk cynicism, eager to mock and insult my music taste. But why, exactly, do you hate the world’s most hated band? No, I don’t love Read more...

Straight Up | Issue 24

Posted 4:57pm Sunday 16th September 2012 by La Dida

This week I met my former high school principal while I was speaking at a seminar. I had been fantasising for years about what this moment would be like. In my fantasy I would do something outrageous that would make her deeply uncomfortable. Or, perhaps equally outrageously, I would tell the Read more...