Hi Dr. Nick | Issue 14

Posted 6:05pm Sunday 7th July 2013

Hi everybody, Before the break, one of the halls had a bit of a problem with the ol’ scabies mite. In the interest of college confidentiality, I won’t go naming names, but it’s on a hill and full of pretentious bell-ends, which narrows it down to at least four. Scabies (“the itch”) is Read more...

Hi Dr. Nick | Issue 13

Posted 3:03pm Sunday 26th May 2013

Hi everybody, People often approach me on the street and say “Dr Nick, you sexy pseudonymous beast of a man, why do you spend all your columns pissing on healthcare users and never on healthcare providers?” This unsolicited pedestrian reflection has a point – whilst there are many issues with Read more...

Hi Dr. Nick | Issue 12

Posted 1:24pm Sunday 19th May 2013

Hi everybody! There’s a column that I meant to churn out during our spate of sexual sicknesses, but I’ve been sidetracked by other topics (poo is funny, don’t listen to housewives). This week I was determined to finish off the column about horses and thrush when I saw the ODT article “Therapy Read more...

Hi Dr. Nick | Issue 11

Posted 2:26pm Sunday 12th May 2013

Hi everybody, This week, I want to talk about New Zealand’s Got Talent. Specifically, I want to talk about the odds that the show will actually demonstrate that New Zealand has any talent: bloody shit. Despite the fact nobody talks about pooping, a study by Tarō Gomi showed that Read more...

Hi Dr. Nick | Issue 10

Posted 4:00pm Sunday 5th May 2013

Hi everybody! Being an old man with a prostate the size of a beachball, I find it difficult to celebrate birthdays. Once you pass 21 they’re just reminders of the inevitable march towards death upon which we are quickly forgotten, relegated to fleeting thoughts scattered through the years. Read more...

Hi Dr. Nick | Issue 09

Posted 3:14pm Sunday 28th April 2013

Hi everybody! Right! STIs part three: no time for foreplay – let’s just dive right in. Then out. Then in again. Then out. Then pause for a breather. Then in again. Gonorrhoea:Annual number of cases in NZ (20-24yrs): 306 per 100,000 people (0.31%) As common as: Sharing a birthday with the Read more...

Hi Dr. Nick | Issue 08

Posted 5:13pm Sunday 21st April 2013

Hi everybody! Last week we talked about how men’s members measure up, shedding some light on what an “average” dick actually is. And while, much like a Health Sci, we tried to dress it up in a lab coat and pretend it was medically relevant, it was ultimately a column stating “It’s not the Read more...

Hi Dr. Nick | Issue 07

Posted 5:49pm Sunday 14th April 2013

Hi everybody! It’s a subject that we talk about all the time, but never actually discuss: tiny todgers. Judging by word of mouth, all men have a larger-than-average dick. This makes me wonder when the hell a members’ bill was passed redefining the word “average” to something other than what Read more...

Hi Dr. Nick | Issue 06

Posted 4:40pm Sunday 7th April 2013

Hi everybody! Weclome back! While home for the holidays, many readers would have gotten the “how’s uni?” and this week’s column is all about that question. Rather than the usual grunted “fine,” I want to get deep about it; deeper than a deep sea diver with a massive knob gets inside his Read more...

Hi Dr. Nick | Issue 05

Posted 6:30pm Sunday 24th March 2013

Hi everybody! Last week we talked a bit about STIs and, like herpes, that’s a topic that will be coming back in the future. For now though we’re treating STIs like Dexies and shelving them for a bit. This week I want to talk about a bigger topic. A much bigger topic: fatties. That’s right, Read more...