Carnies Trick OUSA With Gypsy Magic

Posted 5:14pm Sunday 15th July 2012

Sudents eager to risk their lives on the dilapidated ferris wheel that traditionally graces Re-Orientation’s carnival day on campus had to put down their ACC forms on Thursday, as the carnival and associated carnies never showed up. According to rumours heard by Critic, OUSA has been well and Read more...

Critic Designers Succeed In Land of The Free

Posted 5:14pm Sunday 15th July 2012

Critic’s superiority over other student magazines has received further confirmation after three Critic employees were commissioned to design the cover for a recent issue of Newsweek, a US magazine with a readership of 13.2 million. The design is based on the cover of Critic’s 14th issue, Read more...

Small, locally-owned business becomes Big Corporation

Posted 8:39pm Sunday 3rd June 2012

James “Jim” Peterson, the owner of Jim’s Miniature New Zealand Flag Emporium on Hanover Street, has been slammed as a “sellout” after hiring a 20th employee last week, officially pushing his company over the line from “small, locally-owned business” to “Big Corporation”. Protestors have Read more...

If Shane Jones Doesn’t Resign

Posted 8:39pm Sunday 3rd June 2012

Labour MP Shane Jones, who has been dogged recently by allegations that he gave citizenship to an international criminal in exchange for donations to the Labour Party, has entered a bill into the members’ ballot that would, if successful, provide free kittens to all. Mr Jones, who attracted Read more...

Referendum Results Retardedly Reach Reporters Retrospectively

Posted 8:39pm Sunday 3rd June 2012

By the time you read this OUSA will have announced the fate of the eight motions in its referendum, as well as the results from the International Officer by-election. Due to insensitive scheduling on the part of OUSA, the results were not yet available when Critic went to print on Thursday Read more...

Zero budget provides zero funny headlines

Posted 7:40pm Sunday 27th May 2012

The National Government announced the 2012-2013 Budget Thursday 24 May amidst student protest against the changes to the student loan and allowance system. While Bill English’s ‘zero’ Budget was generally described as political commentators as “forgettable”, “dull” and “boring”, Auckland Read more...

Proctology | Issue 12

Posted 7:58pm Sunday 20th May 2012

This week in Wacky Student Antics™, two young gentlemen decided to climb one of the 30-metre lighting towers by the railway station, presumably to gain a panoramic view of the picturesque landscape of car repair shops and courier depots. Police arrived to negotiate their return to ground level, Read more...

New Legislation Aims to Deter Unnecessary Legislation

Posted 7:58pm Sunday 20th May 2012

New research by the University of Otago’s Wellington branch has put a dollar value on the rampant time-wasting, political point-scoring, and other such shenanigans involved with law-making in New Zealand. According to the study, each new Act of Parliament costs an average of $3.5 million, while a Read more...

Cumberland College Terrorised by Ghost

Posted 7:58pm Sunday 20th May 2012

Cumberland residents have been sleeping with the lights on and sharing rooms after multiple sightings of a ghost known as the “Grey Lady”. At 1am on Tuesday May 8 two female Cumberland students encountered the ghost as they made their way to a laundry on the college’s first floor. According to a Read more...

NZ Political Roundup

Posted 7:08pm Sunday 13th May 2012

Critic’s market research has revealed that 70% of students get their news exclusively from messages chalked onto the ground on campus. So not only are you missing out on the political happenings that are so hot right now, you’re probably also contemplating whether Student Life can help you fill your Read more...