Edgarzibit hosts Pimp My Clubs & Socs

Posted 7:08pm Sunday 13th May 2012

OUSA is splashing out half a million dollars to pimp out the Clubs & Societies Building. President Logan Edgar says that most of the money will be spent on “boring” maintenance rather than brand new features. The big-ticket item is an “eco-friendly, sustainable heating system”, which will cost Read more...

NZ Cricket Sucks

Posted 12:51am Monday 7th May 2012

If you hear anyone talking about the Black Caps’s test team being in a “rebuilding phase”, this constitutes binding verbal consent to bowl beamers at them next time you hit the nets. When are the Black Caps not in a rebuilding phase? How many times have you heard the tired excuse, “well we may have Read more...

A Tale of Two Semi-Finals

Posted 12:51am Monday 7th May 2012

Good news, sports fans. Gus and I have swapped roles for the week. While this has dire ramifications for the quality of Issue 10’s political analysis, the sports pages will temporarily boast a vocabulary consisting of more than the words “bro” and “fuck”. So enjoy this preview of the 2011-12 UEFA Read more...

The Five Stupidest Taxes

Posted 4:56pm Sunday 29th April 2012

01 | Excise Tax (“Sin Tax”)Excise tax is a tax put on anything the government of the day considers sinful. Classic examples are alcohol and tobacco. Initially, the money is spent on funding healthcare for people who overindulge in these sinful delights, but governments inevitably succumb to their Read more...

When in Doubt, Slap a Tobacco Company

Posted 4:56pm Sunday 29th April 2012

All hail the brave warrior Tariana Turia, leading the small but valiant army of the New Zealand Government against the numberless forces of the evil tobacco companies. While outnumbered ten-to-one in terms of resources, the Government underdogs will prevail – because they have moral righteousness on Read more...

Sowing the Seeds of the Money Trees

Posted 4:56pm Sunday 29th April 2012

At the Audacious business competition launch on Tuesday, everyone agreed – Dunedin needs more businesses if we want to keep young, talented graduates from flying off to brighter prospects in Wellington, Auckland, or overseas. The University of Otago is aware of the problem, and has thrown its weight Read more...

Time to Shoot the Easter Trading Bunny

Posted 5:04pm Sunday 22nd April 2012

The Easter Trading Bunny has myxomatosis. He’s stumbling around, bleeding profusely, spreading chaos year after year. It’s time to put him out of his misery. Parliament has attempted to shoot him 14 times in the last 20 years, but they’ve been using a water pistol. A conscience vote is never going Read more...

The defamatory guide to NZ’s political youth wings

Posted 5:04pm Sunday 22nd April 2012

To put a more positive spin on this article, think of it as a guide to help you decide which political youth wing you would be best suited to. Here’s a description of the stereotypical member of each of the youth branches of NZ’s political parties: Young NatsHoping to get hooked up with some Read more...

MASSIVE FRAUD! UNIVERSITIES LIE!

Posted 5:04pm Sunday 22nd April 2012

Playas gon’ play. The Tertiary Education Union has accused New Zealand’s universities of using dodgy (but legal) tactics to push themselves up the national rankings table. The Performance Based Research Fund (PBRF) is a complicated system for allocating funding to universities based on the Read more...

Execrable | Issue 7

Posted 3:53pm Sunday 15th April 2012

Every man has his limits. After half an hour of announcements about people being appointed to committees, Critic, much like any trauma survivor, retreated into a fantasy world. And that’s when someone cracked an inappropriate joke about the early retirement of Ding Ding that had the entire exec Read more...