Orange Election Guy Demands Change, Human Flesh

Posted 4:26pm Sunday 19th August 2012

The Electoral Commission has released a draft proposal paper on changes to the MMP electoral system. The paper contains several recommendations that, if implemented, could dramatically alter the battleground for the 2014 election and beyond. The two most significant recommendations are that Read more...

Editorial | Issue 21

Posted 4:26pm Sunday 19th August 2012

Howdy people, Callum the News Editor here with a guest editorial. You may remember me from such educational articles as “The Cumberland Ghost” and “Margaret Mahy: She Dead”. Through a combination of Joe’s sloth and my desire for a propaganda vehicle, I’m writing the editorial this week. Let’s Read more...

“Treatygate”

Posted 5:14pm Sunday 12th August 2012

Critic has obtained documents from controversial race campaigner Louis Crimp, setting out a plan for a $2million campaign aiming to make New Zealand a “colourblind” (racially neutral) state. The campaign will be split into two distinct “brands”, known as “Treatygate” and “Colourblind State”. Read more...

Calves “Slaughtered Like Cattle”

Posted 4:49pm Sunday 5th August 2012

A merciless attack on four calves on a farm north of Dunedin has left the farm’s owners and their stock gutted. The attack occurred on June 19 between 10:30am and 5pm at a farm in Seacliff, roughly 30km north of Dunedin. Critic spoke to Constable Jon-Paul Tremain, who said that three calves Read more...

Canterbury Uni Staff “Quaking with Fear”

Posted 4:49pm Sunday 5th August 2012

The University of Canterbury is set to cut staff numbers by 150 over the next three years in an attempt to prevent its debt, which is currently at $50 million, from spiralling out of control. Canterbury is in dire financial straits as the true financial toll of the earthquake becomes Read more...

What is a Sport (Part 1)

Posted 2:15pm Sunday 29th July 2012

Rowing is not a sport. Neither is cycling. In fact, most of the events at the 2012 Olympics are not sports. And most of the ones that are sports don’t belong at the Olympics. Sometimes the dictionary definition of a word just doesn’t cut it. According to the ivory-tower intellectuals who Read more...

Lavender Armageddon Begins

Posted 2:15pm Sunday 29th July 2012

God is reportedly “gutted” after a bill aiming to legalise gay marriage was pulled from the Members’ ballot on Thursday. The Marriage (Definition of Marriage) Amendment Bill was submitted into the ballot by Labour MP Louisa Wall. The first reading of the bill is expected to be held in around six Read more...

Margaret Mahy - She Dead

Posted 2:15pm Sunday 29th July 2012

Margaret Mahy, the author who gave New Zealand the gift of such brilliant children’s books as The Lion in the Meadow and The Man Whose Mother Was a Pirate, died at the age of 76 in a Christchurch hospice last Monday night after losing her battle with cancer. Mahy arguably found her point of Read more...

University Staff Member Receives C+ in FRAUD101

Posted 2:15pm Sunday 29th July 2012

A University of Otago staff member was escorted from the University campus by security guards last week, as police began investigating an alleged major fraud that was uncovered by an internal University audit in June. National Radio has reported that between $200,000 and $300,000 was Read more...

Deluded, Talentless Losers Have Dreams Crushed

Posted 10:46am Sunday 22nd July 2012

North Dunedin’s talent, and South Dunedin’s lack thereof, were on show at the Regent Theatre as the Dunedin leg of the second round of New Zealand’s Got Talent auditions was held on the 14 and 15 July. Dunedin’s preliminary round of auditions was held on 2 and 3 May at Otago Boys’ High Read more...