Where Should OUSA Put the New Student Bar?

Where Should OUSA Put the New Student Bar?

Have your say!

With the untimely demise of the “last great student pub”, Otago students will be thirsty for a new watering hole. OUSA mentioned that a replacement venue will be sussed, and we came up with a few ideas to help them expedite the process. If you’re a fan of any of these alternatives, or if you think you have an even better idea, feel free to reach out to president@ousa.org.nz and voice your opinion.


Party Boat on the Leith

This one is for the truly refined among us. Instead of investing in infrastructure and renovating a whole site, why not just buy a boat and send it down the Leith? Of course it would have to be a little more exclusive than Starters (can’t have too many freshers on the boat) but how much cooler would you feel drifting out under a clear starry night sipping on wine or a craft beer?


The Third Floor of Central Library

Close to campus, funky architecture stuff happening, no one actually likes studying there anyway. The Third Floor of Central Library is the perfect location for a bar. What, you’re trying to study? I don’t care because I’m very drunk, they’re serving beer towers up here, you should come along. Drunk students and studious students will conflict, but the drunk students will win through the power of peer pressure.


Union Hall

What’s better than U-Bar? Another bar, right on top of U-Bar. So that you can drink at a bar while you queue to drink in another bar. Union Hall does get its uses, and transforming it into a student pub doesn’t mean that we would have to stop using it for other things. It’s just that this way, it can have more of a night-life presence, and the Uni will be getting more bang for its buck. We already host plenty of gigs there, so why not put in a few taps?


Rooftop of Burns

Rooftop bars are fancy. You know what else is fancy? Cocktails. No one can be fucked walking all the way to Carousel on a night out, plus we all know BA students’ signature vibe of superiority means the drinks will have to be good atop the Humanities’ headquarters

Even better, why not wrap up a long study session in the library with a quick trip across to the top of Burns for a cheeky margarita? The nights alone in Central would pass so much easier if there were promises of an old-fashioned by the end. If the Uni wants to really keep a lid on student drinking, why not host a second bar on campus?


Ruins of the Cadbury Factory

The scattered piles of rubble and disused machinery would give you a very cool, grungy, industrial-chic aesthetic. Random drops and assorted hazards would easily weed out students who can’t hold their booze, ensuring only the strong survive and thrive. As a bonus, the ODT offices being right next door would mean an endless supply of stories about students being “drunk irresponsible pricks”.


Staff Club

Alright, hear me out. It’s central. It’s classy. It’s in a safe area. It’s everything that is important in a student bar. And yet, it’s never going to happen. But why? It would be easily monitored by security, it would be a close for every student, and it would generate heaps of money. The venue has two floors, so the bottom could be used for gigs and the like, while the top could quickly become the best quiz locale in the entire town. I see no problems with this plan, honestly. Location, location, location.


Student Health

I’m not saying we should eliminate Student Health. I’m just saying that we could condense the entire thing down to one or two rooms, and use the rest of the building as the new Starters venue. Conveniently, this means that the risk-assessment of injury or drinking to excess at the student pub would dramatically decrease, as access to health services will be closer than ever before. The curved staircase could prove a challenge for partiers, and some walls would definitely need to be knocked down, but overall I think this is a solid contender.

Hanover Hall

The old Monkey Bar? Bring it back! It's only being used for the dirty, slothful, and irritating Dunedin Symphony Orchestra anyways. Screw them. (If you’re from the Dunedin Symphony Orchestra please understand that we respect you and this is a joke). Students deserve to party, baby. Monkey used to be famous for floors stickier than a glue trap, and more STIs than Josh Jackson at 546 Castle Street. Other pros include a 110% earthquake code compliance level, and a nice, aesthetically pleasing roof. We know how much students love vintage tiles.

This article first appeared in Issue 23, 2021.
Posted 1:46pm Monday 20th September 2021 by The Critic News Team.