We learned that at UniCol, after constant nagging from his girlfriend, one particular young man went out and bought some pills that allowed him to keep nocturnal activities interesting for more than sixty seconds.
For whatever reason, he then decided to sell them off to his mates, and as a result UniCol is now full of lads sporting raging boners. Side effects of the pills include ejaculating when yawning, knocking ornaments of tables situated at crotch height, and looking like a sex predator in your Warehouse eating-pants. This also serves as a warning for UniCol girls – that is not a pencil case tapping you in the back at the dinner line. Apparently, some UniCol boys have also started a knitting club, which presumably won’t get them any bone time.
Thursday was ‘International Drunk at Uni Day’. Despite the confusing name, the aim of the day was to turn up at Uni pissed as a fart, and try and go about your business. Some lads from Cumby decided to do several Bigfoots before 11am. As a result a few of them ended up vomcano-ing into the Leith and then going for a swim. Two Selwyn girls, dressed in the traditional Otago outfit of black puffers and mangy grey track pants, were making a point of stopping people to wish them a ‘happy International Drunk at Uni Day’, while they rubbed their friend’s back as she painted the footpath orange.
At Hayward (and this is definitely one for Overheard @ Otago Uni) a guy was overheard (by the girl in question no less) telling his mate that he was going to “Hit her so hard, whoever pulls me out of her is gonna become the King of England.” Despite making possibly the best ‘Sword in the Stone’ reference Critic has ever heard, the girl in question was nowhere near as impressed as she should have been, and refused to be the Stone in the legendary analogy.
Bouncing off the Halls - 12
