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Aquinas, usually so studious and reserved, is in the midst of a Hall-wide alcohol ban brought on by some hefty property destruction.

The recently-installed hallway lights took a massive beating a few weeks back, after the usual Saturday night banter turned from school disco nervousness into a Castle Street Training Facility, helped by lashings of Bigfoot and the naughty percentage Codys. Incidentally, the Bourbon and Cola was also responsible for the porcelain vandalism that occurred the next morning. Now, Aquinas residents are engaging in hall-wide (sober) ‘assassin’, a game that sounds really cool and fun and not lame at all. 
Salmond College had its annual ‘Bar Hop’ last week, held at the ever-obliging 10 Bar. The Hollywood-themed event had many costumes, but the overall prize goes to a group of girls dressed as sperms, who impregnated the night with lots of semen-related puns. There was some mischief, however, with two girls stealthily raiding the upstairs bar and helping themselves to a few bottles. They then opened them by smashing the bottle tops off, and drank from the jagged edges. That’s some hardcore first-year shit. They were then thrown out of the bar and are not allowed to return for two years. Critic can’t work out if that’s a punishment or a reward. 
After about half and hour of lurking around Knox College, no students were in sight. However, we can tell you that Knox is on a noise ban from 9.30am to 12.30am (so you can make all the noise you want when people are trying to sleep?), which we’re sure is being rigorously observed. At the time of writing, Knox was in preparation for its first Ball of the year, where the Knoxies will be able get prim and proper for a night of high society. One girl, who will remain nameless, reportedly only has four condoms in her room, and needs to buy more for the ball. High Society indeed.