Men’s fashion...um what?

Men’s fashion...um what?

What a strange and treacherous place men’s fashion can be. When flannel-loving Al Borland becomes a hipster style-god, you know some weird shit is going down. With a few tweaks, the look has now become suitably pretentious for our beloved self-obsessed Auckland hipsters. So, over summer the shirts were unbuttoned, pants were rolled up, ankles laid bare and $200 boat shoes slipped on.
Well gentlemen, welcome to 2011. With twenty years to mature and gain some retro cred, recycled Nineties fashion is increasingly penetrating mainstream trends. Remember how much everything Eighties was lapped up in the early/mid 2000’s? The Nineties are the new Eighties, grunge is the new alt and alt will again become the new mainstream.

 
I gots to gets me some sweet as shit fast, right?
First thing first. Don’t try too hard! Fashion is a bit like nuclear power. It’s better to not have tried at all than to have tried and failed. Tasteful does not mean loud, formal does not equal fashionable and “cool” is not necessarily stylish. Confused? Here are some examples.
 

Casual waistcoats: I don’t care if you spent $100 at Barkers or picked up a $2 opshop bargain, this just screams douche. When worn with skinny jeans, waistcoats also tend to trick the eye and slim the waist, leading to some awkward feminine curves and unintended booty!
 

Pointy shoes/boots: These things are often expensive, rarely tasteful and horrifyingly common. They come in many forms, the worst variety being snake-skin leather with square toes. Best advice is to keep the hell away from any shoe that resembles a crocodile!
 
 
Vintage hats/caps: Most offensive when paired with leather jackets and aviators. This is the style of “cool dudes” who wish they were in sweet as bands. You’re not Tom Waits, stop trying, that shit ain’t gonna make you cool!

 
But I just wanna get laid
Dressing well is primarily about being tasteful. Even if you do Law, money still can’t buy it for you. Try walking into Farry’s to assure yourself of this. Here are a few practical guidelines for when you walk into a store with money burning in your pockets.

•   Don’t buy pre-worn/pre-faded. They’re going to become over-worn very quickly (if they ever looked good in the first place) 
 
•   Avoid t-shirts (and never shirts) with prints on them. They get old fast.
 
•   Don’t buy polos or v-neck tees, round collars are much more flattering (the thinner the collar the better) 
 
•   You can’t go wrong with plain colours, so long as they don’t remind you of your highlighters. And if you find a good fit, just get a couple of different colours. 
 
•   Try an outfit of dark colours (but not black). If it’s not you, try contrasting darker and lighter colours but, to avoid looking washed out, stay away from entirely light-coloured outfits. 
 
•   When you find something you like, ask yourself if you would happily wear it everyday for a week. If the answer is no, it’s either too loud or just won’t work with your wardrobe. 
 
•   Be incredibly picky about fit. It doesn’t matter if it’s exactly what you were after and it’s 50% off, if it sits wrong it won’t look good and you will never wear it. 
 
•   Don’t rush in and splash out at the first place you visit. You have a lot of options, look around and be picky. 

 
Posted 5:05am Tuesday 26th April 2011 by Rueben Black.