Features

In one of the more controversial task assignments, Critic sent reviewers around some of the various facilities the University of Otago has to offer. Not quite the glitz and glamour of eating takeaways, but if a thing’s worth doing, it’s worth doing right.
 
Clock Tower
After much searching (Critic thought it a lot more fun to play private eye than just ask someone), the male toilets were found. These proved to be far less exciting than we had hoped, considering Vice Chancellor Sir Professor David Skegg potentially shits here. After the initial excitement died down, Critic realised this is just a standard toilet block. Two cubicles, two urinals, the usual standard of cleanliness (save one massive skid-mark), and lots of thudding from the halls above. Some extra points are gained for the inclusion of a mirror, seat, and cloakroom. Although why you would want to sit down in a toilet room is beyond me.
 
Library
The library provides a wide range of lavatory options; however, the business end of things, so to speak, is in the ground floor block near Frankly Sandwiches. Bulk shitters and pissers, and cleaned routinely. These toilets are slowly building up some vandalism cred, but they are a long way off the glory days experienced by downstairs Union Hall. The other toilets around the lib are of a similar ilk. Be careful at exam times: those things can pack out, man.
 
Science Library
The facilities on the ground floor of the science library were clean enough, and won some bonus points for the wide variety of hand-drying options: towel machine, air-dryer, and hand towels. A good number of loos, catering to those busy exam periods. This is one of the older toilet blocks in the University, something which is reflected in its décor. Orange cubicles still prove to be an interesting option. Critic noted the lack of vandalism (see ball-point pen slander

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Law Library
The Law Library won points for linoleum-covered floors and walls. However, the presence of but a single cubicle means a missed opportunity for the spirited debate you’d hope for in the Law Library. The urinals here are worth a mention, being perhaps the most space-age-looking on campus.
 
Commerce Building
The melting pot that is Commerce provides toilets of a similar ilk. Often full, and often empty, you never know what to expect. Legend was born in the second floor block with the mysterious empty wall hanger for the machine that was removed for repair over the holidays (written in vivid on the steel frame). There is an accompanying note declaring this dated as at December 2002. As far as this reporter remembers (2006), this note proves accurate. 
 
St David
Clean and modern, with an interestingly busy choice of linoleum. Only two cubicles and three urinals; Critic is sure this may cause some barney before and after Health Science lectures. Probably not the best location on campus for a Monday morning shit, as twelve computers and a number of seats just outside mean a large number of onlookers may raise an eyebrow when you emerge twenty minutes later. 
 
Archway
Anyone who has ever been to Archway will know the disgusting tiles throughout the hallways. These don’t stop at the toilet doors. No sir-ee Bob. The only difference is that in the toilets themselves, the décor includes a nice dousing of urine. And just when you think those orange cubicles have stopped, they come back at ya like a tonne of bricks. One perk is the sense of self-satisfaction you gain knowing Law students have to traipse through the piss-soaked floors day-in, day-out.
 
Burns
Initial thought upon arrival: “Fuck, this stinks.” Critic was, however, impressed by the ‘staff shower’, and more so by the plastered walls. Very Miami Vice. Big ups. Bulk urinals serve many cocks, and the green-on-cream colour scheme not only provides an opportunity to rhyme, but also some unison and a welcome change from cat-sick orange. A big save by the Burns building after a poor first impression.
 
Downstairs Union Hall
Ahhh … the famous (infamous) Re:Fuel toilet block. Come when nature calls; stay to read the stalls. Hygiene and cleanliness are irrelevant here as you’ll be far too entertained with examining the various quips and debates adorning the walls. This is the most recommended stall in the review, and makes for urban legend around campus (genuine legend – we were clutching at straws with that whole Commerce Building one).