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If you’re gonna get locked up, it might as well be for something that will make a good story. Josh Hercus has done his research, and come up with eight of the most bizarre crime and court cases from around the world.
Something smells off
A man in Singapore was sentenced to 14 years in prison and 18 cane strokes on the butt for smelling the armpits of women and touching them in lifts. Over 15 months he managed to “interact” with 23 women. The origins of his behaviour are unexplained but appear to be on par with those who regularly attend Monkey Bar.
 
 
Cab collector
In 2010, a Louisiana cab driver picked up a female at a motel, who refused to get out once she reached her destination. Instead, she decided to remove all her clothing and told the driver to take her to Michigan, which was over 1500km away. Wondering what the fuck was going on, the cab driver took her to the nearest police station and when he got out of the car to get help, the naked cab bandit stole the car and fled. The police managed to find her about a block away, still naked in the back seat. Reports confirm that she was blonde and probably drunk/on drugs, all of which are known to be navigational inhibitors.
 
 
Just a quiet night
In 2008, a Russian man dressed in full military attire drove a tank into a house and a shop. He was seen clambering out of the tank “holding two bottles of vodka.” Apparently, the tank was en route to a military exercise when it took a detour to buy some more vodka. Speculation surrounds whether it was a military exercise to combat-train the liver or a precision attack on the morale of western armies by showing how much more alcohol Russian soldiers can drink.
 
 
Wanna try karma sutra now?
In 2005, a long-term couple in Massachusetts engaged in consensual sexual intercourse. The lecherous activity was painfully interrupted when the female, without the consent of the male, suddenly moved in such a way that caused a “penile fracture” which required emergency surgery. Essentially, the court ruled that it wasn’t “reckless” but “merely negligent” and the case was dismissed. As men shudder around the world, questions are now being raised as to what on earth would constitute “reckless” sexual conduct. Attempts to contact Charlie Sheen for his expert opinion were unsuccessful.
 

DTF
In 2009, conducting a standard Australian mating ritual, an Aussie male broke into three sex shops where he proceeded to blow up and have sex with several blow up dolls named “Jungle Jane” and then discarded them in an alley. Police took DNA samples and fingerprints but were unable to find any traces of the man’s dignity.
 

Everybody knows that the bird is the word!
A man was charged with breaking and entering offences in New South Wales after unsuccessfully attempting to break into a cafe using “a frozen chicken and some rocks.” After stealing the frozen chicken from a nearby butcher, the delinquent managed to injure himself while attempting to bust through the cafe’s front window and had to call authorities for help. While this provides anecdotal evidence that frozen chickens are not the ideal tool for breaking and entering, further research is required to ascertain which frozen bird will perform best. Critic’s money is on a frozen ostrich.
 

A disturbance in the force?
In 2005, a Russian astrologer attempted to sue NASA for £165 million on the grounds of “disrupting the balance of the universe”. Her argument was that NASA’s Deep Impact space probe, which was going to smash into a comet to obtain samples from the impact, was a “terrorist act”. Critic is unsure of the exact details but suspects that NASA must have been astounded when they found out that someone who practices astrology actually had enough cognitive ability to read. Needless to say, the claim was eventually rejected but hopefully the astrologer was sent a gold star and a certificate.
 

Like taking candy from a baby
In 2010, a 47-year-old man from Florida, dressed in a full onesie and a nappy, attempted to trick-or-treat around his neighbourhood. After being annoyed about not receiving any lollies, he started stealing them from the other - younger - trick-or-treaters. When finally arrested by police he was found “intoxicated and disorderly” and “yelling profanities at passing children”. All he had to do was start throwing faeces and urine, and it would have been like the 2010 Toga Parade all over again.