Boomers hate it, second years love it, and freshers are banished. May 28th marked Otago University’s most anticipated day of the year: the Hyde Street Party. Run by OUSA, Hyde Street is perhaps the one day out of the year where students are entirely justified in getting absolutely sloshed in the early hours of the morning while dressed in ridiculous costumes, all for the small, small price of $60. If you didn’t manage to make it (or did, but blacked out and forgot), do not fear. Critic Te Arohi sent two intrepid reporters / budding gossip girls out for the day, whose round the clock coverage revealed the sexy scandals, costume mishaps, and relationships dramas that unfolded throughout the party.
Bright eyed and bushy tailed, we rocked up to Hyde Street at ten sharp. The music was pumping, and people were sparsely scattered. Many people seemed to still be pre-drinking in flats, or only just arriving for the big day. The weather was a bit chilly, but the sun remained out. Staff writer Keegan (or on this day, Serena van der Woodsen) began by asking security guards how they were feeling about the day ahead.
The guards in question were skulling liquid energy drinks only very slightly slower than the funnels happening 20m away. Most had come straight off working the night before in town. One outstanding security guard said it was the earliest he got off working a night before Hyde, at a sensible quarter past one in the morning. In the past he’d gotten off work at “four o'clock in the morning and had to be back here at half seven, so I slept in my car at the service station over there”. Most of the security guards work three shifts for the weekend, giving them barely any down time. But a little birdy told Critic one security guard had enough time to hook up with a girl whose house he was guarding on Hyde. Talk about mixing business and pleasure.
Meanwhile, Culture Editor Annabelle Vaughan (or on this day, Blair Waldorf) started making her way into the flats. Like any decent event, it was only a matter of time until celebrity sightings began to take place. In the Barbie Dreamhouse flat, Annabelle found Phoebe, who was one of the stars of last year's Hyde Street coverage. This year, she was decked out in a ’60s Flower Power fit. When asked how the day was going, Phoebe said, “It’s litty titty… It’s slay, it’s slaying, it’s fucking insane. Everyone is off their tits, and I respect it.”
When grilled about whatever drama was going on, Phoebe decided to open up to Critic. “Last year, I said I wanted to find my future husband [at Hyde], but ended up going home with my ex.” Despite the potential rekindling, Phoebe told Critic that her ex had since left Dunedin, and he probably was not her future husband. “He’s gone, he’s left, I’m okay,” she said. But was she really okay? Or was this all a front for the public? Phoebe then told Critic that last year, she also passed out and woke up in a field. “I’m hoping the same happens again.” This seemed like a rather unhinged goal to have, but Phoebe then revealed she is a Cancer sun with a Sag rising, which perhaps explains the going back to her ex and the whole blacking out thing.
A few hours in, things were beginning to kick off. The small idling crowds quickly became mosh pits. Girls were screaming like seagulls and our native breathas were calling out “oi, oi” while chewing their jaws off. Former Bachelorette star Dave Borrie was spotted performing with his band, L Hotel, pumping out absolute bangers to the intoxicated crowd. Upon entering the mosh, we experienced yet another celebrity encounter: the admins of Oi Come Hyde Bro, who were, for once, actually on Hyde, bro. We questioned the admins about how their day was faring, and if they were feeling extra pressure given they were the stars of the show. “It feels good to be here amongst my fans, I’m lasting the day, I’m not folding, I’ve got people to meet,” said Admin 1.
Admin 2 was on a similar wavelength. “It’s all good, it’s fun,” they said vaguely but happily. Apparently, they were aiming to “come Hyde bro” and not fuck out, so were sensible and only bought eight beers. “Last year, I was pretty like, ‘oh my God, I’m oi come Hyde bro on Hyde bro’, but now, I’m just chilling, I’m a minimalist.” But don’t be deceived, dear readers, for these humble attitudes aren’t the whole truth. When asked if the day had brought the, any drama, Admin 2 simply replied, “I am a narcissist.” Huh? Accompanying the admins was Tom, who is apparently infamous for ‘the vaping incident’. When pressed on what the incident was, Tom declined to comment, saying only that “it was horrible, and those who were involved should be brought to justice.” What the vaping incident was, and who was involved, remains a mystery.
In a poor attempt to get gossip, Serena went around asking the crowd what they thought the worst costume was. One of the most overdone was Peaky Blinders, as many people rightfully pointed out. One Peaky Blinder shot back with “Can’t defend the bad theme, it is a bit of a cop out. My girlfriend bought me the cheese cutter though.” Girl, do better. However one of the best takes, made by a Peaky Blinder, was that prisoner was the worst costume: “Like seriously, do we need to make fun of the people who are already not in a great position?” It’s not like orange is anyone’s colour anyway.
Another person mentioned that someone's costume was a “Teletubby sun”, so it was obviously a reporter’s duty to go find this Teletubby sun and question their process. Upon finding Mrs. Sun, we found her costume was absolutely brilliant, but only somewhat resembled the terrifying yet oddly comforting baby sun. “Me and my other two flatmates were going as the Holy Trinity. One of them is a father (DILF), I'm the Son (sun), and the other is the Holy Spirit.” Not only was the costume stunning, she was also reminiscent of a young Jenny Humphrey as she sewed her costume by hand. She came to play.
As morning turned to afternoon, the chaos continued. It was at this point that people were beginning to fuck out, or be escorted out. Those who remained were committed to the piss, and kept partying with great, almost dogged persistence. We stumbled across Katie the nun, who was also wearing a pair of bright red sunglasses to add a bit of spice to her look. Critic asked Katie how things were going. “Bitch it’s slaying, serving and scandalous, it’s the best event of the year,” she screamed. “I hope we have a holy, sanctimonious, blessed day full of God, Mary and Jesus.” When pressed on if this holy hottie had any beef in the crowd, she simply replied “Everyone is my brother and sisters in Christ, we beef for clout, but only in the name of Jesus Christ, our saviour.”
It was about 4pm, and the sun was beginning to go down. Despite how long the day had been, and the rapidly dropping temperature, we stumbled upon Sophie and Abigail, who were also sporting ’60s themed outfits. Sophie claimed that so far, everyone had been “pretty well behaved.” But her retelling of the day that followed told a different story. Sophie had experienced her fair share of drama and debauchery. “I kneed a guy in the dick. He walked off crying, because he was encroaching on our bubble, it was rude, he kept trying to push me. So I stomped on his toes with my Docs as well.” Alongside this, Sophie also said she “couldn’t find her friends for ten minutes” while witnessing “the worst case of french kissing in the world… There were tongues before the kissing started, faces gripped, tongues out, it was like they were resuscitating someone. It was weird, but I watched.” Sophie had also been experiencing relationship drama. “My ex-boyfriend needs to fuck off and stop making eye contact, he kept trying to hang out with me and I was like, new bitch, new year, stay away.”
Abigail's day had been equally as chaotic. “I haven’t pissed yet, but we pulled up in the Barbie Doll flat, and Annabelle vomited,” she said. Abigail’s statement is true, as Culture Editor Annabelle Vaughan AKA Blair did in fact throw up in someone's yard just moments before the interview. “Watching people fuck out has been fun. Security escorted someone dressed like a prisoner, and I thought I got pissed on.” Abigail also spilled the tea on her love life. “I saw the guy I fucked in first year dressed up as KFC, he looked finger licking good. He ignored me, but the ‘u up’ message he sent me three weeks ago says otherwise. Fuck you KFC.”
Whether you spent your Hyde avoiding five different guys (like one anonymous, absolute king did), ended up not remembering most of it, dressed as Spiderman only to be let down by everyone there who didn’t also come as Spiderman, or simply danced your heart out to the Beatniks all dressed as priests, we hope you had a great Hyde that stirred enough drama to keep us relevant.
Xoxo
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