Waka Kotahi to Permanently Concrete over Bat Holes During George St Upgrade

Waka Kotahi to Permanently Concrete over Bat Holes During George St Upgrade

Contractors for Waka Kotahi (NZTA) have announced plans to concrete over bat roosts during the recently announced George St one-way upgrade. The announcement follows the revelation by RNZ that builder's foam was being used to fill in potential bat roosts on the route of the proposed Mt Messenger bypass in Taranaki.

Phill Gussius, head of natural and built divisions for Waka Kotahi told the Tribune “we are very excited to work together with local stakeholders, specifically landlords, local business owners, and members of ranty local newsgroups on Facebook. We look forward to using nothing but the highest quality concrete to permanently yeet the ability of native long-tailed bats to endanger Dunedin’s commercial district.”

When asked where the bats would go, Gussius told The Tribune: “I dunno. Do I look like I give a fuck? My job is to fill holes and whack moles. Probably Milton or something, do I look like a bat scientist?”

Local small business owner Derek, of Derek Bluff Bling Shop, told the Tribune he was “revving” to exterminate the pesky flying mammals. “They’ve caused my insurance to go up five fold. Good for nothing layabout creatures, all they do is sleep all day and eat bugs at night. They’re worse than students. Have they ever thought about getting a job? No, they haven’t. They leave it to a hardworking TAXPAYER like me to fill in all their roosts. It's unbelievable.”

Frightened by the mauve colour Derek was turning, our reporter went to get a beer. Sitting out the back of the pub, a single moth alighted on the lip of his beer, and was immediately snached by a low flying bat. Our reporter felt the wind whoosh by, and the hairs on the back of his neck stood up. He knew that such a moment would soon disappear into the mists of time forever.  

This article first appeared in Issue 25, 2021.
Posted 12:36am Saturday 2nd October 2021 by The Critical Tribune.