Critic Blind Date | Issue 03

Critic Blind Date | Issue 03

The hopeful lovers on the Critic Blind Date are provided with a meal and a bar tab, thanks to Mamacita. If you’re looking for love and want to give the Blind Date a go, email




Okay so right off the bat if you’re here for a super juicy story about a hot and steamy date, you may want to wait till next week. 

The night started off as most should, pre-drinking while getting ready. My mates and I even had a plan ready if the date went sour - one would call crying into the phone and I would ‘accidentally’ put it on speaker. Then my other mate would come and grab me to go help, luckily, I didn’t have to do that. So, I get to dinner and the waitress tells me he’s been waiting for about 20 minutes, instantly I check my phone thinking I’m late, but it was only just on 7:30. I get to the table and he seems like a very nice guy, not my type but I keep an open mind. So, we get talking and I start to notice a theme, the conversations die very quickly. See I have many conversation topics and honestly, I had used most of them in the first half hour. So, I’m trying to keep the conversation going and I’m questioning if I should put the plan into motion because it’s so damn awkward. But I stick it out because free tacos (they were amazing by the way). So, we get to the end of the date and he walks me to the cabs. That’s it, honestly, I’m just trying to reach the 300-word limit. Thanks to Critic, Mamacitas and my date for the night out, I did have a nice time in the end and I’m sorry to the readers that this isn’t another daddy and princess story, we all know that’s why you’re reading this (come on don’t lie to yourself) hey look, just made it to 300 words, go me.



Blind dates… that undeniable mystery for the hopeless romantic at heart. Thursday was no exception. I finished up at the uni, got in my shower and dressed looking like a million bucks.

Like damnn, you fynne! As time ticked to 7pm, I walked in at the doors of the lovely restaurant and got myself a table. Thank god, I’ve made it on time and importantly I’m here first. First impressions better make them count!

Settled down in my table, now we are on the waiting game. 20 minutes pass by, as I look through the menu, thought tend to sink in, what if she doesn’t turn up? Can I still eat for both? Perhaps call a friend? Possible violation of contract law? Was there an offer and acceptance? Shit, what about tomorrow’s readings??

And suddenly something caught my attention. The love of my life has laid her eyes on me.

Margarita!! As I was getting into second base with that heavenly concoction, my date walked in. The lady of the moment! Alas, she is down with a fresher flu and strictly no alcohol for the night. At least she showed up, for Tacos!!

Though we made up for the night with a long chat. She can certainly hold a conversation! By the end of it, I have a vague understanding of her, her entire family and me, like these margaritas are delish and I’m certainly an alcohol lightweight. But some things are not meant to work out and so do some people. That spark that ignites the best of love and lust was sorely lacking and so was any decent eye contact. As 9pm came by, we said goodbyes, wished both of us the best and called it a night. 

Hey Tinderella, what ya up to tonight?!

This article first appeared in Issue 3, 2019.
Posted 5:41pm Thursday 7th March 2019 by Critic.